“Terrible?” he said, clasping his hands over one of his knees and gazing
out to the conflict of purple and shell-pink in the west. “No, nothing
was terrible. I am no Corsair with a hundred romantic crimes to give
me so much remorseful agony as would enable me to act the part of Count
Lara with consistency. I am no Lucifer encircled with a halo of splendid
wickedness. It is only the change that has passed over me since I felt
myself looking at you that gives me this agony of thought. Wasted time
is my only sin--hours cast aside--years trampled upon. I lived for
myself as I had a chance--as thousands of others do, and it did not seem
to me anything terrible that I should make my father's days miserable to
him. I did not feel myself to be the curse to him that I now know myself
to have been. I was a curse to him. He had only myself in the world--no
other son, and yet I could leave him to die alone--yes, and to die
offering me his forgiveness--offering it when it was not in my power
to refuse to accept it. This is the memory that God will not take away.
Nay, I tell you it seems that instead of being blotted out by my days of
suffering it is but intensified.”
He had bowed down his face upon his hands as he sat there. Her eyes were
full of tears of sympathy and compassion--she felt with him, and his
sufferings were hers.
“I pity you--with all my soul I pity you,” she said, laying her hand
upon his shoulder.
He turned and took her hand, holding it not with a fervent grasp; but in
his face that looked up to her tearful eyes there was a passion of love
and adoration.
“As a man looks to his God I look to you,” he said. “Be near me that the
life you have given me may be good. Let me think of you, and the dead
Past shall bury its dead.”
What answer could she make to him? The tears continued to come to her
eyes as she sat while he looked into her face.
“You know,” she said--“you know I feel for you. You know that I
understand you.”
“Not all,” he said slowly. “I am only beginning to understand myself; I
have never done so in all my life hitherto.”
Then they watched the delicate shadowy dimness--not gray, but full of
the softest azure--begin to swathe the world beneath them. The waters
of the bay were reflecting the darkening sky, and out over the ocean
horizon a single star was beginning to breathe through the blue.
“Daireen,” he said at length, “is the bond between us one of love?”
There was no passion in his voice, nor was his hand that held hers
trembling as he spoke. She gave no start at his words, nor did she
withdraw her hand. Through the silence the splash of the waterfall above
them was heard clearly. She looked at him through the long pause.
“I do not know,” she said. “I cannot answer you yet----No, not yet--not
yet.”
“I will not ask,” he said quietly. “Not yet--not yet.” And he dropped
her hand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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