The young Airedale broke the pause. With a whine and one paw he
importuned the master’s lax-hanging hand. John pushed him away.
“I owe you worse than nothing, puppy. I meant that Jack should be
considerate of you, but not that he should die for you.”
The dog appeared to understand; at least, raised his head and howled
dismally.
To hush his weird lament, Dolores sank down upon the hassock which
never more would rest a pair of shrunken legs; dragged the wretched
alien out from under the chair; stroked and patted him.
“He didn’t intend that Jack should die for him,” she interceded. “He
didn’t intend anything--any more than I intended that my mother should
die for me. I try not to hate him. I am sure Jack would know and be
distressed if I did. He’s just a foolish puppy.”
“‘And what is folly, but a riotous expenditure of will?’” muttered
John. His hand sought the head of the dog for the importuned caress,
but spasmodically clasped around Dolores’. He leaned toward her,
although with eyes turned away, as he continued to quote: “‘There
are to will and to have your will. There are your social ideas, your
immoderate desires, your excesses, your pleasures that end in death,
your sorrows that quicken the pace of life. For pain is perhaps but a
violent pleasure.’”
Then he looked at her. His eyes, dark and brilliant through a surface
film, asked her consideration. Never had she seen such misery. She had
thought it could only be felt in the heart.
“Do you believe that?” he demanded. “Is the pain that is wrecking me
only a form of pleasure?”
Dolores doubted her voice, but she forced it. It sounded unsteady as
her thoughts. “I wish I knew what to say. I--I cannot endure to see you
so unhappy. I wish I knew----”
“There is no heartbreak except deliberate sin. That I keep telling
myself,” he interrupted. “If I am true to Jack’s trust, true to myself,
true to you----”
His hand slid to her wrist; hesitated there.
“But with the best I can do I am breaking. Everything has combined
to weaken my resistance. Jack, who was your protector, died and
immediately after him the canary. To-night the clock that has not
missed a minute for three generations of us--even the old clock gives
up.”
“Do you remember what Jack said,” Dolores reminded, “that nothing is
wasted? Maybe----”
“Don’t start me on that train of thought,” he objected harshly. “It
maddens me. If Jack and his restraining influence were to die--if we
were to meet here to-night--if time for us was to stop----”
He clutched her other arm and passed both hands to her shoulders. One
remained there. The other continued around her neck; forced her face
to lift to his; clung to her throat. The pulse of his fingers beat
against the pulse just under her chin.
“Look at me, Dolores. Keep me seeing the surprise in your eyes. Do you
realize that you have only your inexperience to protect you?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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