Dandy Dick: A Play in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
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Dandy Dick: A Play in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
English drama -- 19th century
THE DEAN.
It's a conflagration!
SALOME.
[_Clinging to TARVER._] Where is it? Are we safe?
SHEBA.
[_Clinging to DARBEY._] Where is it? Are we safe?
GEORGIANA.
Where is it?
_BLORE enters with a scared look._
THE DEAN.
[_To BLORE._] Where is it?
ALL.
Where is it?
BLORE.
The old Swan Inn's a-fire!
[_The gate-bell is heard ringing violently in the distance. BLORE goes
out._
GEORGIANA.
[_Uttering a loud screech._] The Swan Inn! [_Madly._] You girls, get
me a hat and coat. Somebody fetch me a pair of boots!
[_SALOME, SHEBA, and TARVER go to the window._
THE DEAN.
Georgiana!
GEORGIANA.
Don't talk to me! [_To TARVER._] Lend me your boots!
TARVER.
I daren't. If I once get cold extremities----
GEORGIANA.
Ah!
[_She is going, THE DEAN stops her._
THE DEAN.
Respect yourself, Georgiana--where are you going?
GEORGIANA.
Going! I'm going to help clear the stables at The Swan!
THE DEAN.
Remember what you are--my sister--a lady!
GEORGIANA.
I'm not. George Tidd's a man, every inch of her! [_SIR TRISTRAM rushes
in breathlessly. GEORGIANA rushes at him and clutches his coat._] Tris
Mardon, speak!
SIR TRISTRAM.
[_Exhausted._] Oh!
GEORGIANA.
The horse? The horse! You've got him out?
SIR TRISTRAM.
Yes, safe and sound.
GEORGIANA.
Safe and sound! That old horse has backed himself to win the handicap.
[_She sinks into a chair. TARVER and DARBEY with SALOME and SHEBA
stand looking out of the window._
SIR TRISTRAM.
George, his tail is singed a bit.
GEORGIANA.
The less weight for him to carry to-morrow. [_Beginning to cry._] Dear
old Dandy, he never was much to look at.
SIR TRISTRAM.
The worst of it is, the fools threw two pails of cold water over him
to put it out.
GEORGIANA.
Oh! that's done him!
THE DEAN.
Now, my dear Georgiana! what is a horse?
GEORGIANA.
A living example to a Dean. [_THE DEAN goes distractedly into the
Library._] Where is the animal?
SIR TRISTRAM.
My man Hatcham is running him up and down the lane here to try to get
him warm again.
GEORGIANA.
Where are you going to put the homeless beast up now?
SIR TRISTRAM.
I don't know.
GEORGIANA.
[_Starting up._] I do though!
THE DEAN.
Madwoman! What are you going to do?
GEORGIANA.
Bring Dandy Dick into our stables!
THE DEAN.
No, no!
SIR TRISTRAM.
The very place!
THE DEAN.
Georgiana, pray consider _me!_
GEORGIANA.
So I will, when you've had two pails of water thrown over you.
[_THE DEAN walks about in despair._
THE DEAN.
Mardon, I appeal to _you!_
SIR TRISTRAM.
Oh, Dean, Dean, I'm ashamed of you!
GEORGIANA.
[_To SIR TRISTRAM._] Are you ready?
SIR TRISTRAM.
[_Takes off his coat and throws it over GEORGIANA'S shoulders._]
George, you're a brick!
GEORGIANA.
A brick, am I? [_Quietly to him._] One partner pulls Dandy out of the
Swan--t'other one leads Dandy into the Deanery. Quits, my lad!
[_They go out together._
THE DEAN.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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