It will be remembered that at the trial at the police-court two months
ago I refused to defend myself. This has been referred to to-day as a
proof of my guilt. I said that it would be some days before I could open
my mouth. This was taken at the time as a subterfuge. Well, the days
are over, and I am now able to make clear to you not only what took
place, but also why it was impossible for me to give any explanation. I
will tell you now exactly what I did and why it was that I did it. If
you, my fellow-countrymen, think that I did wrong, I will make no
complaint, but will suffer in silence any penalty which you may impose
upon me.
I am a soldier of fifteen years' standing, a captain in the Second
Breconshire Battalion. I have served in the South African Campaign and
was mentioned in despatches after the battle of Diamond Hill. When the
war broke out with Germany I was seconded from my regiment, and I was
appointed as adjutant to the First Scottish Scouts, newly raised. The
regiment was quartered at Radchurch, in Essex, where the men were placed
partly in huts and were partly billeted upon the inhabitants. All the
officers were billeted out, and my quarters were with Mr. Murreyfield,
the local squire. It was there that I first met Miss Ena Garnier.
It may not seem proper at such a time and place as this that I should
describe that lady. And yet her personality is the very essence of my
case. Let me only say that I cannot believe that Nature ever put into
female form a more exquisite combination of beauty and intelligence. She
was twenty-five years of age, blonde and tall, with a peculiar delicacy
of features and of expression. I have read of people falling in love at
first sight, and had always looked upon it as an expression of the
novelist. And yet from the moment that I saw Ena Garnier life held for
me but the one ambition--that she should be mine. I had never dreamed
before of the possibilities of passion that were within me. I will not
enlarge upon the subject, but to make you understand my action--for I
wish you to comprehend it, however much you may condemn it--you must
realize that I was in the grip of a frantic elementary passion which
made, for a time, the world and all that was in it seem a small thing if
I could but gain the love of this one girl. And yet, in justice to
myself, I will say that there was always one thing which I placed above
her. That was my honour as a soldier and a gentleman. You will find it
hard to believe this when I tell you what occurred, and yet--though for
one moment I forgot myself--my whole legal offence consists in my
desperate endeavour to retrieve what I had done.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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