Humorous stories; Reporters and reporting -- Fiction; Women authors -- Fiction
Bohemia and luxuries! Half a dozen lean boarding-house years have
steered me safely past that. After such a course in common sense you
don’t stand back and examine the pictures of a pink Moses in a nest of
purple bullrushes, or complain because the bureau does not harmonize
with the wall paper. Neither do you criticize the blue and saffron
roses that form the rug pattern. ’Deedy not! Instead you warily punch
the mattress to see if it is rock-stuffed, and you snoop into the
clothes closet; you inquire the distance to the nearest bath room, and
whether the payments are weekly or monthly, and if there is a baby in
the room next door. Oh, there’s nothing like living in a boarding-house
for cultivating the materialistic side.
But I was to find that here at Knapf’s things were quite different. Not
only was Ernst von Gerhard right in saying that it was “very German,
and very, very clean;” he recognized good copy when he saw it. Types! I
never dreamed that such faces existed outside of the old German
woodcuts that one sees illustrating time-yellowed books.
I had thought myself hardened to strange boarding-house dining rooms,
with their batteries of cold, critical women’s eyes. I had learned to
walk unruffled in the face of the most carping, suspicious and the
fishiest of these batteries. Therefore on my first day at Knapf’s I
went down to dinner in the evening, quite composed and secure in the
knowledge that my collar was clean and that there was no flaw to find
in the fit of my skirt in the back.
As I opened the door of my room I heard sounds as of a violent
altercation in progress downstairs. I leaned over the balusters and
listened. The sounds rose and fell and swelled and boomed. They were
German sounds that started in the throat, gutturally, and spluttered
their way up. They were sounds such as I had not heard since the night
I was sent to cover a Socialist meeting in New York. I tip-toed down
the stairs, although I might have fallen down and landed with a thud
without having been heard. The din came from the direction of the
dining room. Well, come what might, I would not falter. After all, it
could not be worse than that awful time when I had helped cover the
teamsters’ strike. I peered into the dining room.
The thunder of conversation went on as before. But there was no
bloodshed. Nothing but men and women sitting at small tables, eating
and talking. When I say eating and talking I do not mean that those
acts were carried on separately. Not at all. The eating and the talking
went on simultaneously, neither interrupting the other. A fork full of
food and a mouthful of ten-syllabled German words met, wrestled, and
passed one another, unscathed. I stood in the doorway, fascinated,
until Herr Knapf spied me, took a nimble skip in my direction, twisted
the discouraged mustaches into temporary sprightliness, and waved me
toward a table in the center of the room.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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