Humorous stories; Reporters and reporting -- Fiction; Women authors -- Fiction
“Because I want to so very much. And anyway, I’m much more cheerful
now. I am going in to dinner. And after dinner I shall get acquainted
with my room. There are six corners and all the space under the bed
that I haven’t explored yet.”
“Dawn!”
“Yes?”
“If you were free to-night, would you marry me? If you knew that the
next month would find you mistress of yourself would you—”
“Ernst!”
“Yes?”
“If the gates of Heaven were opened wide to you, and they had
‘Welcome!’ done in diamonds over the door, and all the loveliest angel
ladies grouped about the doorway to receive you, and just beyond you
could see awaiting you all that was beautiful, and most exquisite, and
most desirable, would you enter?”
And then I hung up the receiver and went in to dinner. I went in to
dinner, but not to dine. Oh, shades of those who have suffered in
boarding-houses—that dining room! It must have been patterned after the
dining room at Dotheboys’ hall. It was bare, and cheerless, and
fearfully undressed looking. The diners were seated at two long,
unsociable, boarding-housey tables that ran the length of the room, and
all the women folks came down to dine with white wool shawls wrapped
snugly about their susceptible black silk shoulders. The general effect
was that of an Old People’s Home. I found seat after seat at table was
filled, and myself the youngest thing present. I felt so criminally
young that I wondered they did not strap me in a high chair and ram
bread and milk down my throat. Now and then the door would open to
admit another snuffly, ancient, and be-shawled member of the company. I
learned that Mrs. Schwartz, on my right, did not care mooch for shteak
for breakfast, aber a leedle l’mb ch’p she likes. Also that the elderly
party on my left and the elderly party on my right resented being
separated by my person. Conversation between E. P. on right, and E. P.
on left scintillated across my soup, thus:
“How you feel this evening Mis’ Maurer, h’m?”
“Don’t ask me.”
“No wonder you got rheumatism. My room was like a ice-house all day.
Yours too?”
“I don’t complain any more. Much good it does. Barley soup again? In my
own home I never ate it, and here I pay my good money and get four time
a week barley soup. Are those fresh cucumbers? M-m-m-m. They haven’t
stood long enough. Look at Mis’ Miller. She feels good this evening.
She should feel good. Twenty-five cents she won at bridge. I never seen
how that woman is got luck.”
I choked, gasped, and fled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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