English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Imaginary letters; Letters in literature
There are in the ship a particular race of men who are neither soldiers
nor sailors; these are called by the Latin name “Legio Classica.” Their
duties consist in maintaining discipline amongst the company of the
ship and in dealing out retribution when it is necessary; they are well
known for the unerring accuracy of their statements, so much so that if
any one in the ship makes a statement or relates a tale that bears in
it the signs of improbability, he will be ordered to go and tell it to
the men of this legion, for it is known that should the statement be
untruthful or inaccurate they would be swift to detect it and to laugh
the man to scorn.
The monotony of life on board ship, and the rigour of the discipline
enforced, are relieved by many pleasant occupations. Thus the officers
throw dice on a place of the ship specially appointed for the purpose,
which is called the “bridge,” and often in the evening the sailors sing
together in soft and tuneful chorus. With regard to the “ramming” and
the “battering practice”--both of them most interesting spectacles--I
will write to you another time. In the meantime, farewell.
HANNO.
_P.S._--The Roman Fleet is expected here to-morrow. It is said they
intend to build eight _Hamilcar Barcas_.
LESBIA ILLA
... Lesbia illa,
Illa Lesbia, quam Catullus unam
Plus quam se atque suos amavit omnes.
_Extract from a letter written by Clodia, the wife of Metellus Celer,
to her friend Portia in Athens_
We arrived at Baiae yesterday evening. I am most thankful the journey
is over, because Metellus is a most trying traveller. He started, of
course, by making a scene directly he saw my luggage. I had scarcely
taken anything, only what was absolutely indispensable, and I got it
all into eight boxes; but men never know how much room clothes take up.
As it is, I have got nothing to wear at all. But as soon as Metellus
saw the litters with my poor luggage in them he lost his temper, and
during the whole journey he threw my extravagance at me. Needless to
say, he took far more things than I did. Men think because their
clothes are cheap and cost nothing, and because a toga lasts them
four or five years, we ought to be able to do the same. But it’s no
use discussing that with a husband. No husband in the world has ever
understood, or ever will understand, how expensive our clothes are.
We found the villa looking very clean and fresh; and it is a great
blessing to get away from Rome. I never mean to go back there as long
as I live; especially after what has happened. I suppose you have heard
all about it, but I want you to know the truth, as everybody in Rome
is telling horrible lies about me and giving a wrong complexion to the
whole story, especially Lalage, who is a spiteful cat, and is sure to
write and tell you all about it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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