English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Imaginary letters; Letters in literature
Caesar was just making ready to go, and the flute-players had been
sent for, when Casca (who, I think, is the best-looking young man in
Rome) walked up to Cleopatra and occupied the empty seat next to her.
Caesar suddenly changed his mind, and said he would not go home after
all. This was typical of his behaviour during these days: he had been
constantly changing his mind about small matters and never seemed able
to come to any decision. Besides this, he was always jealous of any one
younger than himself, especially of Casca, who has got such thick hair.
Mark Antony tried to lure Cleopatra into conversation with him, paying
her still more fulsome and still more crude compliments than before.
And she, with perfect civility but with icy determination, ignored the
compliments and took no notice of him.
After the flute-players had ceased we all had our fortunes told by an
Asiatic soothsayer. He told Cleopatra and myself that we would be very
lucky, but that we should beware of figs and the worms inside them. We
laughed a great deal at this, because neither Cleopatra nor myself ever
eat raw fruit. He told Mark Antony that he would love and be loved by
the most wonderful woman in the world; upon which Mark Antony bent on
one knee before Cleopatra and did mock homage. You should have seen her
face! He did not feel inclined to do it twice, and there is no doubt
that he knew he had made a grotesque exhibition of himself; in fact it
was rather painful, and we were all sorry for him.
The soothsayer told Caesar that all would be well with him should he
follow the advice of those who loved him most. When the soothsayer
said this, Caesar looked at Cleopatra with infinite tenderness, and
she smiled at him very sweetly. It was all I could do to keep from
laughing. The vanity of men is extraordinary! I thought to myself--How
can that conceited old politician think that a woman as young, as
clever, and as pretty as Cleopatra could possibly care for him, or feel
anything else but disgust at his attentions!
The soothsayer then told Cicero’s fortune. He said that his worst enemy
was his tongue, but that if he went through life without offending
any of the present company he would have a fortunate and successful
career. We laughed a great deal at this, as every one in the room
happened to be a great friend of his.
Caesar was not satisfied with what the soothsayer had told him, and
asked further details; but the soothsayer said that it was unlucky
to tell a person’s fortune twice in one evening, upon which Caesar
desisted, since he is intensely superstitious.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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