English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Imaginary letters; Letters in literature
The conversation then turned to other topics: the games, the new
drains, the theatre of Balbus, the Naumachia, and the debated question
whether the Emperor was right in having caused Vedius Pollio’s crystal
beakers to be broken because the latter had condemned a slave, who
had accidentally dropped one of them, to be thrown into his pond of
lampreys and eaten. The sentence would have been carried out had not
the Emperor interfered and caused the slave to be released. Horatius
said that Vedius Pollio deserved to be eaten by lampreys himself,
but Ovidius and Ludius considered the punishment to be out of all
proportion to the crime. Agrippa could not understand his minding the
goblet being broken, as there were plenty of goblets in the world.
Vergilius thought that Pollio’s act was monstrous. Cinna said that
the slave was his own. Maecenas considered that although it was a
reprehensible act (and such deeds created dangerous precedents) nobody
but a collector knew how terribly severe the punishment was.
We sat talking till late in the night. I cannot write any more, but
I have just heard a piece of startling news. Ovidius Naso has been
banished _for life_ to some barbarous spot near Tauris. The reason of
his disgrace is unknown. Hail!
THE CAPREAE REGATTA, A.D. 27
_Letter from Sabina to Chloe_
CAPREAE, _August_.
We arrived late the night before last from Rome, and never have I seen
Capreae so crowded. There are hundreds of yachts here, and many from
Egypt, Greece, and Asia, and the whole fleet has arrived, and is drawn
up ready for inspection. Clothes are, of course, a difficulty, because
one is expected to be elegant, and if one wears anything beautiful
it is certain to be spoilt when one gets in and out of boats. Clodia
looks too absurd in Egyptian silks and gold chains, just as if she were
going to the Games, and Lesbia looks sillier still dressed up as a
Greek sailor boy. I have tried to steer a middle course between the two
extremes, and I have got a plain white peplum with brown sandals; this
all looks cool and summer-like, but it is really substantial enough for
the fickle, breezy weather.
Yesterday we went with Sejanus to be shown over one of the ships,
the _Servius Tullius_. It was one of the new kind, with three decks
and four of what they call turrets. The officers on board were very
proud of themselves because in their “battering practice,” which they
had just been doing in some outlandish place, they had successfully
destroyed the _boom_ (which is a kind of mast sticking out from the
ship) of the dummy ship on which they practise. Julius says that these
experiments are a waste of money, because each of these dummy ships
costs I don’t know how much money. But then Julius is a Little Roman,
and I always tell him that if everybody thought as he did, we should
have the barbarians in Rome in no time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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