English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Imaginary letters; Letters in literature
I hear that Sir Lancelot of the Lake is not going to compete this year
for the Diamond on account of his health. I am so sorry. The people
here say he is afraid of being beaten, and that there is a wonderful
new knight called Lamorack who is better than everybody. Isn’t it
absurd? People are so spiteful. How you must miss the dear King, and
you must be so lonely at Camelot without any of the knights.
By the way, is it true that Sir Lancelot is engaged to Elaine, the
daughter of the Lord of Astolat? She is quite lovely, but I never
thought that Lancelot cared for young girls. I think she is only
sixteen.
Your loving
ISEULT OF CORNWALL.
_Guinevere to Lancelot_
_Whit-Sunday._
The King has just told me whose sleeve it was you wore to-day. I now
understand everything, and I must say I did not suspect you of playing
this kind of double game. I do hate lies and liars, and, above all,
stupid liars. It is, of course, very humiliating to make such a mistake
about a man. But I hope you will be happy with Elaine, and I pray
Heaven she may never find you out.
GUINEVERE.
KING LEAR’S DAUGHTER
_Letter from Goneril, Daughter of King Lear, to her sister Regan_
I have writ my sister.
_King Lear_, Act I, Scene iv.
THE PALACE, _November_.
Dearest Regan,
I am sending you this letter by Oswald. We have been having the most
trying time lately with Papa, and it ended to-day in one of those
scenes which are so painful to people like you and me, who _hate_
scenes. I am writing now to tell you all about it, so that you may be
prepared. This is what has happened.
When Papa came here he brought a hundred knights with him, which is a
great deal more than we could put up, and some of them had to live in
the village. The first thing that happened was that they quarrelled
with our people and refused to take orders from them, and whenever one
told any one to do anything it was either--if it was one of Papa’s
men--“not his place to do it”; or if it was one of our men, they said
that Papa’s people made work impossible. For instance, only the day
before yesterday I found that blue vase which you brought back from
Dover for me on my last birthday broken to bits. Of course I made a
fuss, and Oswald declared that one of Papa’s knights had knocked it
over in a drunken brawl. I complained to Papa, who flew into a passion
and said that his knights, and in fact all his retainers, were the most
peaceful and courteous people in the world, and that it was my fault,
as I was not treating him or them with the respect which they deserved.
He even said that I was lacking in filial duty. I was determined to
keep my temper, so I said nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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