He had not been prepared for this rich spectacle; it came unhoped for.
He had no time to entrench himself behind an expression of repose and
dignity. Pleasure, surprise, admiration must have shown on his face as
his eyes met those of the boy--and at this moment it happened that
Tadzio smiled, smiled to him, eloquently, familiarly, charmingly,
without concealment; and during the smile his lips slowly opened. It was
the smile of Narcissus bent over the reflecting water, that deep,
fascinated, magnetic smile with which he stretches out his arms to the
image of his own beauty--a smile distorted ever so little, distorted at
the hopelessness of his efforts to kiss the pure lips of the shadow. It
was coquettish, inquisitive, and slightly tortured. It was infatuated,
and infatuating.
He had received this smile, and he hurried away as though he carried a
fatal gift. He was so broken up that he was compelled to escape the
light of the terrace and the front garden; he hastily hunted out the
darkness of the park in the rear. Strangely indignant and tender
admonitions wrung themselves out of him: "You dare not smile like that!
Listen, no one dare smile like that to another!" He threw himself down
on a bench; in a frenzy he breathed the night smell of the vegetation.
And leaning back, his arms loose, overwhelmed, with frequent
chills running through him, he whispered the fixed formula of
desire--impossible in this case, absurd, abject, ridiculous, and yet
holy, even in this case venerable: "I love you!"
V
During his fourth week at the Lido Gustav von Aschenbach made several
sinister observations touching on the world about him. First, it seemed
to him that as the season progressed the number of guests at the hotel
was diminishing rather than increasing; and German especially seemed to
be dropping away, so that finally he heard nothing but foreign sounds at
table and on the beach. Then one day in conversation with the barber,
whom he visited often, he caught a word which startled him. The man had
mentioned a German family that left soon after their arrival; he added
glibly and flatteringly, "But you are staying, sir. You have no fear of
the plague." Aschenbach looked at him. "The plague?" he repeated. The
gossiper was silent, made out as though busy with other things, ignored
the question. When it was put more insistently, he declared that he knew
nothing, and with embarrassing volubility he tried to change the
subject.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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