England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
He finished the evening in the Blue Lion, where he had one bar almost
to himself, and, avoiding his wife’s reproachful glance when he arrived
home, procured some warm water and began to bathe his honourable scars.
“Mr. Purnip ’as been round with another gentleman,” said his wife.
Mr. Billing said, “Oh!”
“Very much upset they was, and ’ope you’ll go and see them,” she
continued.
Mr. Billing said “Oh!” again; and, after thinking the matter over,
called next day at the Settlement and explained his position.
“It’s all right for gentlemen like you,” he said civilly. “But a man
like me can’t call his soul ’is own—or even ’is bedroom. Everybody
takes advantage of ’im. Nobody ever gives you a punch, and, as for
putting babies in your bedroom, they wouldn’t dream of it.”
He left amid expressions of general regret, turning a deaf ear to all
suggestions about making another start, and went off exulting in his
freedom.
His one trouble was Mr. Purnip, that estimable gentleman, who seemed to
have a weird gift of meeting him at all sorts of times and places,
never making any allusion to his desertion, but showing quite clearly
by his manner that he still hoped for the return of the wanderer. It
was awkward for a man of sensitive disposition, and Mr. Billing, before
entering a street, got into the habit of peering round the corner
first.
He pulled up suddenly one evening as he saw his tenacious friend,
accompanied by a lady-member, some little distance ahead. Then he
sprang forward with fists clenched as a passer-by, after scowling at
Mr. Purnip, leaned forward and deliberately blew a mouthful of smoke
into the face of his companion.
Mr. Billing stopped again and stood gaping with astonishment. The
aggressor was getting up from the pavement, while Mr. Purnip, in an
absolutely correct attitude, stood waiting for him. Mr. Billing in a
glow of delight edged forward, and, with a few other fortunates, stood
by watching one of the best fights that had ever been seen in the
district. Mr. Purnip’s foot-work was excellent, and the way he timed
his blows made Mr. Billing’s eyes moist with admiration.
It was over at last. The aggressor went limping off, and Mr. Purnip,
wiping his bald head, picked up his battered and dusty hat from the
roadway and brushed it on his sleeve. He turned with a start and a
blush to meet the delighted gaze of Mr. Billing.
“I’m ashamed of myself,” he murmured, brokenly—“ashamed.”
“Ashamed!” exclaimed the amazed Mr. Billing. “Why, a pro couldn’t ha’
done better.”
“Such an awful example,” moaned the other. “All my good work here
thrown away.”
“Don’t you believe it, sir,” said Mr. Billing, earnestly. “As soon as
this gets about you’ll get more members than you want a’most. I’m
coming back, for one.”
Mr. Purnip turned and grasped his hand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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