England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
“Wot is it?” ses the skipper, shutting the wicket behind ’em. “A
beanfeast?”
“This lady wants her ’usband,” ses the potman, pointing at me. “He run
away from her nine years ago, and now he says he ’as never seen ’er
before. He ought to be ’ung.”
“Bill,” ses the skipper, shaking his silly ’ead at me. “I can ’ardly
believe it.”
“It’s all a pack o’ silly lies,” I ses, firing up. “She’s made a
mistake.”
“She made a mistake when she married you,” ses the thin little woman.
“If I was in ’er shoes I’d take ’old of you and tear you limb from
limb.”
“I don’t want to hurt ’im, ma’am,” ses the other woman. “I on’y want
him to come ’ome to me and my five. Why, he’s never seen the youngest,
little Annie. She’s as like ’im as two peas.”
“Pore little devil,” ses the carman.
“Look here!” I ses, “you clear off. All of you. ’Ow dare you come on to
my wharf? If you aren’t gone in two minutes I’ll give you all in
charge.”
“Who to?” ses one of the draymen, sticking his face into mine. “You go
’ome to your wife and kids. Go on now, afore I put up my ’ands to you.”
“That’s the way to talk to ’im,” ses the potman, nodding at ’em.
They all began to talk to me then and tell me wot I was to do, and wot
they would do if I didn’t. I couldn’t get a word in edgeways. When I
reminded the mate that when he was up in London ’e always passed
himself off as a single man, ’e wouldn’t listen; and when I asked the
skipper whether ’is pore missus was blind, he on’y went on shouting at
the top of ’is voice. It on’y showed me ’ow anxious most people are
that everybody else should be good.
I thought they was never going to stop, and, if it ’adn’t been for a
fit of coughing, I don’t believe that the scraggy little woman could
ha’ stopped. Arter one o’ the draymen ’ad saved her life and spoilt ’er
temper by patting ’er on the back with a hand the size of a leg o’
mutton, the carman turned to me and told me to tell the truth, if it
choked me.
“I have told you the truth,” I ses. “She ses I’m her ’usband and I say
I ain’t. Ow’s she going to prove it? Why should you believe her, and
not me?”
“She’s got a truthful face,” ses the carman.
“Look here!” ses the skipper, speaking very slow, “I’ve got an idea,
wot’ll settle it p’raps. You get outside,” he ses, turning sharp on the
two little boys.
One o’ the draymen ’elped ’em to go out, and ’arf a minute arterwards a
stone came over the gate and cut the potman’s lip open. Boys will be
boys.
“Now!” ses the skipper, turning to the woman, and smiling with
conceitedness. “Had your ’usband got any marks on ’im? Birth-mark, or
moles, or anything of that sort?”
“I’m sure he is my ’usband,” ses the woman, dabbing her eyes.
“Yes, yes,” ses the skipper, “but answer my question. If you can tell
us any marks your ’usband had, we can take Bill down into my cabin
and——”
“You’ll do WOT?” I ses, in a loud voice.
“You speak when you’re spoke to,” ses the carman. “It’s got nothing to
do with you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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