Bildungsromans; Germany -- Social conditions -- 1918-1933 -- Fiction; Young men -- Germany -- Fiction
I let myself be taken prisoner. I surrendered.
“It’s you?” I said uncertainly. “You frightened me so!”
He looked at me, and never had his glance been more like that of an
adult, of a superior and penetrating person. For a long time past we
had not spoken with one another.
“I am sorry,” he said in his courteous and at the same time very
determined manner. “But listen, you mustn’t let yourself be frightened
like that.”
“Oh, that can happen sometimes.”
“So it appears. But look here: If you shrink like that from someone
who hasn’t hurt you, then this someone begins to think. It makes him
curious, he wonders what can be the matter. This somebody thinks to
himself, how awfully frightened you are, and he thinks further: one is
only like that when one is terrified. Cowards are always frightened;
but I believe you aren’t really a coward. Ain’t I right? Of course, you
aren’t a hero either. There are things of which you are afraid. There
are also people of whom you are afraid. And that should never be. No
one should ever be afraid of other people. You aren’t afraid of me? Or
are you, perhaps?”
“Oh no, of course not.”
“There, you see. But there are people you are afraid of?”
“I don’t know ... let me go, what do you want of me?”
He kept pace with me--I was going quicker with the idea of escaping--I
felt his look directed on me from the side.
“Just assume,” he began again, “that I mean well with you. In any
case you needn’t be afraid of me. I would very much like to try
an experiment with you--it’s funny, and you can learn something
that’s very useful. Listen: I often practise an art which is called
mind-reading. There’s no witchcraft in it, but it seems very peculiar
if one doesn’t know how to do it. You can surprise people very much
with it. Well, let us try it. I like you, or I interest myself in
you, and I would like to find out what your real feelings are. I have
already made the first step towards doing that. I have frightened
you--you are, then, easily frightened. There are things and people of
which and of whom you are afraid. Why is it? One need be afraid of no
one. If you fear somebody then it is due to the fact that he has power
over you. For example, you have done something wrong, and the other
person knows it--then he has power over you. D’you get me? It’s clear,
isn’t it?”
I looked helplessly into his face, which was serious and prudent as
always, and kind as well, but without any tenderness--his features were
rather severe. Righteousness or something akin lay therein. I was not
conscious of what was happening; he stood like a magician before me.
“Have you understood?” he questioned again.
I nodded. I could not speak.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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