Bildungsromans; Germany -- Social conditions -- 1918-1933 -- Fiction; Young men -- Germany -- Fiction
I woke up late in the morning from a deep sleep. The day broke for
me as a solemn festal day, such as I had not experienced since the
Christmas celebrations of my boyhood. I was full of a deep unrest, yet
entirely without fear. I felt that an important day had broken for
me. I saw and felt the world around me changed: it was full of secret
portent, expectant and solemn. Even the gently falling autumn rain was
beautiful, full of the quiet, glad, serious music of a festal day. For
the first time the outer world was in tune with my inner world--then it
is a feast-day for the soul, then living is worth while! No house, no
shop window, no face in the street disturbed me. Everything was as it
had to be, but did not wear the empty features of every day and of the
habitual. It was like expectant nature, standing full of awe to meet
its fate. Thus, as a little boy, I used to see the world on the morning
of a great feast-day, at Christmas or at Easter. I had not known that
this world could still be so beautiful. I had been accustomed to
living shut up in myself, and to content myself with the idea that my
understanding for the outside world had been lost, that the loss of
glistening colors was inevitably connected with the loss of childish
vision.
So the hour came when I found again that garden in the suburbs, at
the gate of which I had taken leave of Max Demian the night before.
Concealed behind trees in a grey mist of rain stood a little house,
bright and homely, tall flowers stood behind a big glass partition,
and behind shining windows were dark room walls with pictures and
bookcases. The front door led immediately into a little hall, and a
silent old servant, black, with white apron, showed me in and took my
raincoat from me.
She left me alone in the hall. I looked about me. I looked round; and
immediately I was in the middle of my dream. On the dark wood wall
above a door, under glass and in a black frame, hung a picture I knew
well, my bird with the golden yellow hawk’s crest, forcing its way out
of the sphere. Much moved, I remained standing. My heart felt glad and
sorry, as if in that moment everything I had done and had experienced
came back to me as answer and fulfillment. Like a lightning flash a
crowd of pictures passed through my soul: my home, the house of my
father, with the old stone crest over the arch of the door, the boy
Demian drawing the crest, myself as a boy, fearsome under the evil
spell of my enemy Kromer, myself, as a youth, at the table in my little
room at school painting the bird of my dream, the soul caught in a web
of its own weaving, and everything, everything up to this moment found
echo in me again, and was confined, answered, approved.
With misty eyes I stared at my picture and read in the book of my soul.
My glance dropped. In the open door under the picture of the bird stood
a tall lady in a dark dress. It was she.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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