“How the devil should I know? If you want to know, there’s the guard.
Ask him.”
With which he moved away and joined two or three others a few steps
off. Joyce felt too sick with misery to resent the rudeness. He walked
a short distance along the train, and seeing one of his colleagues in a
compartment, concluded that it was reserved for the chorus-men and crept
into the far corner, where he sat down, holding a newspaper before his
face.
The compartment filled and the train started. At first there was a
general constraint in the talk. Then a game at nap was instituted; but
no one spoke to Joyce. At Selby there was over an hour’s wait. With a
feeling that he must be alone at any cost, he rushed out of the station,
and, avoiding the town, wandered aimlessly through lanes and fields
until it was time to return. He was too dazed and overwhelmed by this
sudden blow to think coherently. Now it was the girl’s deliberate
cruelty that passed his comprehension; now the sickening shame at being
known in his true colours to a whole society burned into his flesh.
Only one thought stood out from the rest in lurid clearness--the
impossibility of his continuing the tour. Even if the management took
no notice of the discovery, he felt he would rather starve to death in
a hole than live through that hell of daily aversion and contempt. To
return to the company and travel with them as far as Leeds was pain
enough. He would face that, however, and then--
It was gathering dusk when he arrived at the station, just in time
to see the guard about to wave the green flag. The handle of the
compartment was in his grasp when he heard McKay say:--
“Well, because a fellow’s happened to be in quod, that doesn’t mean he’s
likely to sneak your watches out of the dressing-room!”
He opened the door and entered amid a dead silence, which lasted, with
few interruptions, all the rest of the journey. Joyce looked round
at his seven companions, with an awful sense of isolation. Only
four-and-twenty hours before he had loved them for their warm
good-fellowship. He was wrung with the pity of it. McKay’s words still
sounded in his ear. They were horrible enough, but it was evident they
were meant in his defence. Once he met his glance, and read in it a
signal of kind intent. But the others steadily looked another way when
his eye fell upon them.
When they left the train at Leeds, McKay touched him on the shoulder and
drew him apart from the hurrying stream of passengers and porters.
“What’s all this yarn that Annie Stevens has been telling us?”
“Oh, it’s true enough,” replied Joyce, wearily.
“The damned little hell-cat,” said McKay. “I told you to keep clear of
women.”
“It was bound to come out. One of you fellows might just as well have
been with me in the pub last night.”
“Do you think a man would have given you away like this?” asked McKay,
with great scorn.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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