Freda was at the other end of the room talking to Keith Collins, the
well-known member for Codrington, whose curious but attractive face was
known to all the world through the caricatures of it in ‘Punch.’ I knew
that she saw Derrick, and that he instantly perceived her, and that a
miserable sense of separation, of distance, of hopelessness overwhelmed
him as he looked. After all, it was natural enough. For two years he
had thought of Freda night and day; in his unutterably dreary life her
memory had been his refreshment, his solace, his companion. Now he was
suddenly brought face to face, not with the Freda of his dreams, but
with a fashionable, beautifully dressed, much-sought girl, and he felt
that a gulf lay between them; it was the gulf of experience. Freda’s
life in society, the whirl of gaiety, the excitement and success which
she had been enjoying throughout the season, and his miserable monotony
of companionship with his invalid father, of hard work and weary
disappointment, had broken down the bond of union that had once existed
between them. From either side they looked at each other--Freda with a
wondering perplexity, Derrick with a dull grinding pain at his heart.
Of course they spoke to each other; but I fancy the merest platitudes
passed between them. Somehow they had lost touch, and a crowded London
drawing-room was hardly the place to regain it.
“So your novel is really out,” I heard her say to him in that deep,
clear voice of hers. “I like the design on the cover.”
“Oh, have you read the book?” said Derrick, colouring.
“Well, no,” she said truthfully. “I wanted to read it, but my father
wouldn’t let me--he is very particular about what we read.”
That frank but not very happily worded answer was like a stab to poor
Derrick. He had given to the world then a book that was not fit for her
to read! This ‘Lynwood,’ which had been written with his own heart’s
blood, was counted a dangerous, poisonous thing, from which she must be
guarded!
Freda must have seen that she had hurt him, for she tried hard to
retrieve her words.
“It was tantalising to have it actually in the house, wasn’t it? I have
a grudge against the Hour, for it was the review in that which set
my father against it.” Then rather anxious to leave the difficult
subject--“And has your brother quite recovered from his wound?”
I think she was a little vexed that Derrick did not show more animation
in his replies about Lawrence’s adventures during the war; the less he
responded the more enthusiastic she became, and I am perfectly sure that
in her heart she was thinking:
“He is jealous of his brother’s fame--I am disappointed in him. He has
grown dull, and absent, and stupid, and he is dreadfully wanting in
small-talk. I fear that his life down in the provinces is turning him
into a bear.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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