Deserted: Sailor's Knots, Part 1.Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Deserted: Sailor's Knots, Part 1.
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
Rupert laughed and slapped 'im on the back, and, arter cutting his
uniform into pieces, stuffed it into the fireplace and pulled the dampers
out. He burnt up 'is boots and socks and everything else, and they all
three laughed as though it was the best joke in the world. Then Mr.
Alfredi took his coat off and, dipping a piece of rag into a basin of
stuff wot George 'ad fetched, did Rupert a lovely brown all over.
"That's the fust coat," he ses. "Now take a stool in front of the fire
and let it soak in."
He gave 'im another coat arf an hour arterwards, while George curled his
'air, and when 'e was dressed in bracelets round 'is ankles and wrists,
and a leopard-skin over his shoulder, he was as fine a Zulu as you could
wish for to see. His lips was naturally thick and his nose flat, and
even his eyes 'appened to be about the right color.
"He's a fair perfect treat," ses Mr. Alfredi. "Fetch Kumbo in, George."
The little man went out, and came back agin shoving in a fat, stumpy Zulu
woman wot began to grin and chatter like a poll-parrot the moment she saw
Rupert.
"It's all right," ses Mr. Alfredi; "she's took a fancy to you."
"Is--is she an actress?" ses Rupert.
"One o' the best," ses the manager. "She'll teach you to dance and shy
assegais. Pore thing! she buried her 'usband the day afore we come here,
but you'll be surprised to see 'ow skittish she can be when she has got
over it a bit."
They sat there while Rupert practised--till he started shying the
assegais, that is--and then they went out and left 'im with Kumbo.
Considering that she 'ad only just buried her 'usband, Rupert found her
quite skittish enough, and he couldn't 'elp wondering wot she'd be like
when she'd got over her grief a bit more.
The manager and George said he 'ad got on wonderfully, and arter talking
it over with Mrs. Alfredi they decided to open that evening, and pore
Rupert found out that the shop was the theatre, and all the acting he'd
got to do was to dance war-dances and sing in Zulu to people wot had paid
a penny a 'ead. He was a bit nervous at fust, for fear anybody should
find out that 'e wasn't a real Zulu, because the manager said they'd tear
'im to pieces if they did, and eat 'im arterwards, but arter a time 'is
nervousness wore off and he jumped about like a monkey.
They gave performances every arf hour from ha'-past six to ten, and
Rupert felt ready to drop. His feet was sore with dancing and his throat
ached with singing Zulu, but wot upset 'im more than anything was an
elderly old party wot would keep jabbing 'im in the ribs with her
umbrella to see whether he could laugh.
[Illustration: An elderly old party wot would keep jabbing 'im in the
ribs with her umbrella.]
They 'ad supper arter they 'ad closed, and then Mr. Alfredi and 'is wife
went off, and Rupert and George made up beds for themselves in the shop,
while Kumbo 'ad a little place to herself at the back.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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