No one had been aware, till the accident happened, that John had been
particularly attached to his tutor. He evidently got on with him, and
was conveniently pleased with his society, but he had, to a peculiar
degree, the stolid indifferent manner of most schoolboys. He was
absolutely undemonstrative, and he tacitly resented his aunt's
occasional demonstrative affection to himself. When will unmarried elder
people learn that children are not to be deceived? John was very
courteous, even as a boy, but his best friends could not say of him, at
that or at any later period of his life, that he was engaging. He had,
through life, a cold manner. No one had supposed, what really was the
case, namely, that he would have given his body to be burned for the
sake of the kind, cheerful young man who had taken an easy fancy to him
on his arrival at school, and had subsequently become sufficiently fond
of him to prefer being his tutor to that of any one else. He guessed
John's absolute devotion to himself as little as any one. John's boyish
thoughts, and feelings, and affections, were of that shy yet fierce
kind, which shrink equally from expression and detection. No one had so
far found them hard to deal with, because no one had thought of dealing
with them.
Yet John sat for two days on the stairs outside the sick man's room,
after the accident, unnoticed and unreprimanded. He was never seen to
cry, but he was, nevertheless, almost unable to see out of his eyes. His
aunt, Miss Fane, at whose house in London he was spending his Christmas
holidays, had gone down to the country to nurse a sister, and the house
was empty, but for the servants and the trained nurse. The doctor, who
came several times a day, always found him sitting on the stairs, or
appearing stealthily from an upper landing, working himself down by the
balusters. He said very little, but the doctor seemed to understand the
situation, and always had a kind and encouraging word for him, and gave
him Mr. Goodwin's love, and took messages and offers of his best books
from John to the invalid. But during those two long days, he always had
some excellent reason for John's not visiting his tutor. He was
invariably, at that moment, tired, or asleep, or resting, or---- A deep
anxiety settled on John's mind. Something was being kept from him.
Christmas Day came and passed. Mitty's present, and a Christmas card
from a friend, the Latin master's youngest daughter, came for John, but
they were unopened. The next day brought three doctors who stayed a long
time in the drawing-room after they had been in the sick-room.
John sat on the stairs with clenched hands. At last he got up
deliberately and went into the drawing-room. Two of the doctors were
sitting down. One was standing on the hearth-rug looking into the fire.
"It can't be done," he was saying emphatically. "Both must go."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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