Time stopped. In all this enormous interval the buds of the
horse-chestnut had not yet burst to green. It was ages since he had seen
the first primrose, and yet to-day, as he walked in the woods on the day
after his return from another futile journey to London, they were all
out in the forest still.
And something stirred within him that had not deigned to take notice of
all his feverish asseverations and wanderings, that had not rebuked him,
that had not even listened when he had said repeatedly that he could not
give up Di.
By an invisible hand the challenge was taken up, and John knew the time
of conflict was at hand.
He walked on and on, not knowing where he went, past the forest and the
meadowland, and away over the rolling moors, with only Lindo for his
companion.
At last his newly returned strength failing him, he threw himself down
in the dry windswept heather. He had not outstripped his thoughts. This
was the appointed place. He knew it even as he flung himself down. His
hour was come.
It was an April afternoon, pale and bleak. The late frost had come back,
and had silenced the birds. One only deeply in love, somewhere near at
hand, but invisible, repeated plaintively over and over again a small
bird-name in the silence of the shrinking spring.
And John's heart said over and over again one little word--
"Di, Di, Di!"
There are some sacrifices which partake of the nature of
self-mutilation. That is why principle often falls before the onslaught
of a deep human passion, which is nothing but the rebellion of human
nature brought to bay, against the execution upon itself of that dread
command of the spiritual nature, "If thy right hand offend thee, cut it
off."
To give up certain affections is with some natures to give up all
possibility of the quickening into life of that latent maturer self that
craves for existence in each one of us. It is to take, for better for
worse, a more meagre form of life, destitute, not of happiness perhaps,
but of those common joys and sorrows which most of all bind us in
sympathy with our fellow-men. What marriage in itself is to the
majority, the love of one fellow-creature, and one only, is to the few.
To a few, happily a very few, there is only one hand that can minister
among the pressure of the crowd. There was none other woman in the world
for John, save only Di. Sayings common to vulgarity, profaned by every
breach of promise case, can yet be true sometimes.
"Di, Di, Di!" said John.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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