Dilemmas of Pride, (Vol 1 of 3)Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
General
Dilemmas of Pride, (Vol 1 of 3)
Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
Fiction
Such happy thoughts, however, were soon scattered, for Lady Palliser,
on pretext of arranging a stray ringlet, drawing very near, whispered,
with a menacing frown, "Take care how you behave, and what you say." The
frown and whisper destroying as they did the momentary hope, caused
Caroline, on taking Alfred's arm, to look so much disappointed that it
was impossible not to infer that she would rather have remained on the
sofa. Yet Alfred could not bring himself to believe this! he was
miserable, however, and did not know what to think; while he was so much
occupied forming painful conjectures, that he himself behaved strangely
and coldly.
Caroline thought with intense agony of the task she had to perform in
the morning, while with a feeling allied to terror she stole from time
to time a momentary glance at the features of him she must so soon
mortally offend; to whom she must so soon give apparently just cause to
view her henceforward with hatred and contempt. She even fancied that
his countenance wore already a severity of expression she had never seen
in it before. She bewildered herself too with the thought, that if she
could get an opportunity and venture just to whisper, "Mr. Arden, don't
mind any thing I am obliged to say to you in the morning," it might
prevent his thinking so very very ill of her as he must otherwise do.
This sentence she repeated to herself above an hundred times during the
quadrille, yet whenever she was going to address it to Alfred, and more
than once she moved her lips to begin, she either caught her mother's
eye turned upon her, or she fancied it might be, and dared not look to
see lest it should give her a conscious and guilty appearance; or the
impression that Alfred was already displeased became so strong as to
deprive her of the courage to speak to him; besides all which, her heart
at each abortive attempt she made to articulate, leaped up into her
throat, and by its excessive fluttering quite choked her utterance, till
the convenient moment was gone by. On the music ceasing, Lady Palliser
came up and took her away, as if in great haste to make some
arrangement, yet, in so obliging a manner, and with so many pretty
excuses, that Alfred thought her ladyship at least was unchanged.
And so must Caroline, he told himself again and again; "it can be but
fancy on my part, or rather, all that seems strange and altered in her
manner must proceed from her extreme delicacy, her excessive timidity,
her consciousness that we now perfectly understand each other's thoughts
makes her fearful to meet my eye, at least with others present; makes
her afraid that all the world will know the moment they see us together
what is passing in our hearts. I can well imagine one so gentle, so
young, so fearful, feeling the newness of her situation, almost as
though she were already a bride; having listened but this very morning,
for the first time in her life, I should suppose favourably, to the
accent of a lover."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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