British -- Germany -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Husband and wife -- Fiction
Nora crept back to her place at the table. Her movements were like
those of a woman who has struggled up from a severe illness, and as she
sat there with the pen in her listless hand she asked herself if this
feeling of deadly physical inertia were not indeed the forerunner of the
definite breakdown of her whole strength. Alone her thoughts seemed
alive, to be indued with an agonising vitality which left her no peace
or rest. They had followed her through the short night hours of sleep,
and they pursued her now till she could have cried out with pain and
despair. They were not thoughts that helped her, or sought a way for her
out of the problem of her life. They were of the kind that haunt the
fevered mind in dreams, pictures of the past and of the future that
slipped across her mental vision in kaleidoscopic confusion, only to
return again and again with hideous persistency. She could not control
them; she sat there and yielded herself listlessly to their torture,
leaving to Fate the whole guidance of the future. She had no plans of
her own. Once it had occurred to her to write to her mother, but she
had not traced more than the first few lines before the pen fell from
her hand. Pride, rather than love, held her back from the bitter
confession of her wretchedness. The thought of her father’s triumph and
her mother’s grief had been sufficient to turn her away from the one
path which still remained open to her.
Thus her thoughts continued their round, and the winter dusk deepened to
evening. The servant had forgotten to attend to the stove, and a bitter
penetrating cold ate into her very heart. She cared too little to move.
She sat with her chin resting on her hand and watched the snow that was
beginning to fall in the quiet street. Winter—in a few days Christmas!
The thoughts took a swift turn. A year ago she had been at home,
fighting with the courage of her youth for what she deemed her
happiness. A year ago she had slept—foolish child!—with Wolff’s last
letter beneath her pillow and sworn to it that, come what might, she
would trample on home and people and country, and follow him
whithersoever he would lead her. "Thy people shall be my people, thy
God my God!" A year ago—no more than that! And now she sat alone, and
the door was locked between them.
She listened intently, and again her thoughts changed their course.
What was he doing? Was he, too, sitting alone, as she sat, with his
face between his hands, gazing into the ruin of his life’s happiness? A
wave of pity, even of tenderness, passed like a thawing breath over her
frozen misery. Could she not go to him and put her arms about his
shoulders, and plead with him, "Let all be good between us! Take me
away from here to the other end of the earth and let us forget! I
cannot bear to suffer thus, nor to see you suffer!" Surely it was not
too late.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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