British -- Germany -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Husband and wife -- Fiction
"We look at things from a different standpoint," Mrs. Ingestre had said
wearily. "You regard the world and all that it has to offer in beauty
and happiness as something to be hated and avoided. You do hate the
world. You boast of the fact. I am different. I believe that I was put
into the world to enjoy it to the uttermost power of my capability, that
every day in which I had not seen or done something new or experienced
some fresh wonder was a day wasted. I believed all this in spite of my
home and upbringing. I simply waited for the time when I should be
allowed to live as I understood living. I married you—and then too late
I saw that your ideas and mine clashed. It was a mistake, John, but in
all justice you must admit it was a mistake which you have never had to
feel. I have done my best to smother my wishes and instincts because I
realised that it was not your fault that I had seen more in you than was
really there. I have stood by you loyally—I felt it was my duty to do
so even at the cost of my own individuality. _I_ had made a mistake.
But it was a mistake none the less, John, and it is one for which Nora
shall not suffer. My responsibility to her is greater than it is to
you. She is my daughter. She shall live as her character requires—as
my character required. She shall not be stunted and dwarfed in her
growth. This is the first time I have ever opposed you. I do so
because I must."
And, strangely enough, the Rev. John had found nothing to say. He
prayed very earnestly for his wife against the hydra-headed monster of
worldliness and vanity which he firmly believed had taken hold upon her
soul, but from that moment his protest confined itself to an increased
gravity in her presence and the indirect reproach of his after-dinner
orations.
Thus time slipped past, and almost before she knew it the day of
departure dawned for Nora. In the fresh autumnal air and bright
sunshine she forgot the pangs of the previous night, when she had wept a
few tears of regret and vague remorse. In the darkness she had
reproached herself to the point of believing that to desert her father
and the copying of his sermons was a piece of unfilial selfishness.
Even Robert Arnold appeared to her in a new light—that light which our
"good-night" thoughts, first cousins to "last" thoughts, cast about
those dear to us. He seemed very dear to her at midnight. A dozen
episodes, grave and gay, in their common life recurred to her, also
illuminated by the same tender regret. A year’s parting from him caused
her almost intolerable heartache, the more so because she had repulsed
him and the love after which she began to hunger. "If he will only
wait, I am sure I shall grow to love him," she confided to her damp
pillow, more than half convinced that the love had come already,
startled to life by the fear of loss and separation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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