Golf stories, English; Golfers -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
Bradbury Fisher shuddered from head to foot, and his legs wobbled like
asparagus stalks. Beads of perspiration stood out on his forehead. The
serpent was tempting him--tempting him grievously.
“You’re sure you won’t take three million--or four--or something like
that?”
“No; I want Blizzard.”
Bradbury Fisher passed his handkerchief over his streaming brow.
“So be it,” he said in a low voice.
* * * * *
The Jones baffy arrived that night, and for some hours Bradbury Fisher
gloated over it with the unmixed joy of a collector who has secured
the prize of a lifetime. Then, stealing gradually over him, came the
realisation of what he had done.
He was thinking of his wife and what she would say when she heard of
this. Blizzard was Mrs. Fisher’s pride and joy. She had never, like the
poet, nursed a dear gazelle, but, had she done so, her attitude towards
it would have been identical with her attitude towards Blizzard.
Although so far away, it was plain that her thoughts still lingered
with the pleasure she had left at home, for on his arrival Bradbury had
found three cables awaiting him.
The first ran:
“_How is Blizzard? Reply._”
The second:
“_How is Blizzard’s sciatica? Reply._”
The third:
“_Blizzard’s hiccups. How are they? Suggest Doctor Murphy’s Tonic
Swamp-Juice. Highly spoken of. Three times a day after meals. Try for
week and cable result._”
It did not require a clairvoyant to tell Bradbury that, if on her
return she found that he had disposed of Blizzard in exchange for a
child’s cut-down baffy, she would certainly sue him for divorce. And
there was not a jury in America that would not give their verdict in
her favour without a dissentient voice. His first wife, he recalled,
had divorced him on far flimsier grounds. So had his second, third,
and fourth. And Bradbury loved his wife. There had been a time in his
life when, if he lost a wife, he had felt philosophically that there
would be another along in a minute; but, as a man grows older, he tends
to become set in his habits, and he could not contemplate existence
without the company of the present incumbent.
What, therefore, to do? What, when you came right down to it, to do?
There seemed no way out of the dilemma. If he kept the Jones baffy, no
other price would satisfy Bott’s jealous greed. And to part with the
baffy, now that it was actually in his possession, was unthinkable.
And then, in the small hours of the morning, as he tossed sleeplessly
on his Louis Quinze bed, his giant brain conceived a plan.
On the following afternoon he made his way to the club-house, and was
informed that Bott was out playing a round with another millionaire of
his acquaintance. Bradbury waited, and presently his rival appeared.
“Hey!” said Gladstone Bott, in his abrupt, uncouth way. “When are you
going to deliver that butler?”
“I will make the shipment at the earliest date,” said Bradbury.
“I was expecting him last night.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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