Golf stories, English; Golfers -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
Most women golfers are elaborate wagglers, but none that Bradbury had
ever seen had made quite such a set of Swedish exercises out of the
simple act of laying the clubhead behind the ball and raising it over
the right shoulder. For fully a minute, it seemed to him, Mrs. Fisher
fiddled and pawed at the ball; while Bradbury, realising that there
are eighteen tees on a course and that this Russian Ballet stuff was
consequently going to happen at least seventeen times more, quivered in
agony and clenched his hands till the knuckles stood out white under
the strain. Then she drove, and the ball trickled down the hill into a
patch of rough some five yards distant.
“Tee-hee!” said Mrs. Fisher.
Bradbury uttered a sharp cry. He was married to a golfing giggler.
“What did I do then?”
“God help you, woman,” said Bradbury, “you jerked your head up till I
wonder it didn’t come off at the neck.”
It was at the fourth hole that further evidence was afforded the
wretched man of how utterly a good, pure woman may change her nature
when once she gets out on the links. Mrs. Fisher had played her
eleventh, and, having walked the intervening three yards, was about
to play her twelfth when behind them, grouped upon the tee, Bradbury
perceived two of his fellow-members of the club. Remorse and shame
pierced him.
“One minute, honey,” he said, as his life’s partner took a stranglehold
on her mashie and was about to begin the movements. “We’d better let
these men through.”
“What men?”
“We’re holding up a couple of fellows. I’ll wave to them.”
“You will do nothing of the sort,” cried Mrs. Fisher. “The idea!”
“But, darling--”
“Why should they go through us? We started before them.”
“But, pettie--”
“They shall not pass!” said Mrs. Fisher. And, raising her mashie, she
dug a grim divot out of the shrinking turf. With bowed head, Bradbury
followed her on the long, long trail.
The sun was sinking as they came at last to journey’s end.
“How right Vosper is!” said Mrs. Fisher, nestling into the cushions of
the automobile. “I feel ever so much better already.”
“Do you?” said Bradbury wanly. “Do you?”
“We’ll play again to-morrow afternoon,” said his wife.
* * * * *
Bradbury Fisher was a man of steel. He endured for a week. But on the
last day of the week Mrs. Fisher insisted on taking as a companion
on the round Alfred, her pet Airedale. In vain Bradbury spoke of
the Green Committee and their prejudice against dogs on the links.
Mrs. Fisher--and Bradbury, as he heard the ghastly words, glanced
involuntarily up at the summer sky, as if preparing to dodge the
lightning-bolt which could scarcely fail to punish such blasphemy--said
that the Green Committee were a lot of silly, fussy old men, and she
had no patience with them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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