Golf stories, English; Golfers -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
For one long moment Rollo continued to hesitate--a moment during which
the instinct of self-preservation seemed as if it must win the day. All
his life he had been brought up to be nervous about his health, and
panic gripped him. But there is a deeper, nobler instinct than that of
self-preservation--the instinctive desire of a golfer who is at the top
of his form to go on and beat his medal-score record. And little by
little this grand impulse began to dominate Rollo. If, he felt, he went
off now to take antidotes, the doctor might possibly save his life; but
reason told him that never again would he be likely to do the first
nine in forty-six. He would have to start all over afresh.
Rollo Podmarsh hesitated no longer. With a pale, set face he teed up
his ball and drove.
* * * * *
If I were telling this story to a golfer instead of to an
excrescence--I use the word in the kindliest spirit--who spends his
time messing about on a bowling-green, nothing would please me better
than to describe shot by shot Rollo’s progress over the remaining nine
holes. Epics have been written with less material. But these details
would, I am aware, be wasted on you. Let it suffice that by the time
his last approach trickled on to the eighteenth green he had taken
exactly fifty shots.
“Three for it!” said Mary Kent. “Steady now! Take it quite easy and be
sure to lay your second dead.”
It was prudent counsel, but Rollo was now thoroughly above himself.
He had got his feet wet in a puddle on the sixteenth, but he did not
care. His winter woollies seemed to be lined with ants, but he ignored
them. All he knew was that he was on the last green in ninety-six, and
he meant to finish in style. No tame three putts for him! His ball was
five yards away, but he aimed for the back of the hole and brought his
putter down with a whack. Straight and true the ball sped, hit the tin,
jumped high in the air, and fell into the hole with a rattle.
“Oo!” cried Mary.
Rollo Podmarsh wiped his forehead and leaned dizzily on his putter. For
a moment, so intense is the fervour induced by the game of games, all
he could think of was that he had gone round in ninety-seven. Then,
as one waking from a trance, he began to appreciate his position. The
fever passed, and a clammy dismay took possession of him. He had
achieved his life’s ambition; but what now? Already he was conscious of
a curious discomfort within him. He felt as he supposed Italians of the
Middle Ages must have felt after dropping in to take pot-luck with the
Borgias. It was hard. He had gone round in ninety-seven, but he could
never take the next step in the career which he had mapped out in his
dreams--the money-match with the lumbago-stricken Colonel Bodger.
Mary Kent was fluttering round him, bubbling congratulations, but Rollo
sighed.
“Thanks,” he said. “Thanks very much. But the trouble is, I’m afraid
I’m going to die almost immediately. I’ve been poisoned!”
“Poisoned!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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