At first he walks along over the dew-freshened sward, under the isolated
oak giants, or between the more gregarious beeches and limes of spinny
and copse, without seeing them. He has no eyes, save those angry inward
ones that are turned upon his own disappointment. His last evening!--his
last evening! If it had been any but the last! Henceforth, in
retrospect, this holiday of his will take all its colour from this
bitter last evening. It is the end that stamps anything as bad or good.
Oh, cruel Peggy! He has had so few really good hours in his life; and
now she has ruthlessly robbed him of his best. And for what?
With the answer which he is compelled to give himself to this question
comes his first dawn of consolation. Certainly to no personal
gratification has she sacrificed him. He can hardly, in his most
aggrieved moments, picture her as better amused than himself as she
stoops--with the tears called up by his ill-tempered words scarcely
dried upon her cheek--over her equally ill-tempered invalid, bathing her
forehead, holding her jealous hands.
Poor Peggy! He will go back at once, and beg her pardon. But no. The
consciousness of his being hanging wrathfully about will only further
complicate her difficulties. He will take a lesson out of her book, and
efface himself wholly for this one evening, even though it is the last.
The last in one sense, but in another----?
He has sat down on a felled trunk, stripped of its branches, but not yet
removed by the wood-cutter's cart. The hawthorn comes in _âcre_ whiffs
to him. His heart, though he is alone for the whole evening--though he
will probably have to go back to his alehouse without one more glimpse
of her damask-textured face, gives a great bound. The last? For him and
her there will be no last evening until--for God, who has given him so
much, will surely give him, too, the supreme boon to die first--until,
bending over him as she now bends over Prue, her voice and her hands
smooth his passage to the easy grave.
The revulsion of feeling from his earlier ill-humour, produced by this
thought, brings the moisture to his eyes. What is this parting in
comparison with that six-months-ago one--when he had taken leave of her
with no rational hope of ever having his eyes enriched by her
again--when he had been afraid to trust his tongue to any speech, lest
it should drift into tendernesses he had believed for ever prohibited to
it? That parting in the walled garden! Why should not he go thither now,
so that, surrounded by the mute witnesses of his former despair, he may
the better gauge the extent of his new felicity? The idea, once
conceived, approves itself so instantly to his imagination that he
starts up; and, exchanging his former purposeless saunter for a quick
walk, sets off in the direction of the Manor gardens.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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