This book, like Hodge's razors, was "made to sell;" and if the sometime good-natured world will pay the price, and have its huge grim smile over these unlicked fancies--although in a political, moral, or utilitarian sense it will have gained nothing--it will, in a literal if not literary view, lose nothing. But if it is in a surly mood, and chooses to look with dignified contempt upon this avowed and candid literary humbug, some one will be disappointed to think he has miscalculated the fickle taste of the aforesaid world and some one will be out of pocket by its sulky humor; but _of_ these persons, their whereabouts, their circumstances, or their names, the world can _say_ nothing; because it will know nothing; no, nothing. Q. K. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, P.B. NEW YORK, _June_, 1855. Table of Contents I. PAGE How Doesticks came to think of it, 13 Hears a voice--Determined. II. Doesticks satisfies Philander, 18 Writing a book. III. Niagara, 25 IV. Doesticks on a Bender, 26 Feels sublime--Laboring under difficulties. V. Seeking a Fortune--Railroad Felicities, 33 Leaves Home--Arrives in Gotham. VI. Seeing the Lions--Barnum's Museum, 40 Talks to Philander--Admires the Fountain--Visits Barnum's--Sees a Free Fight. VII. Model Boarding Houses, 49 Finds a Boarding House--Has another home--Content. VIII. Potency of Croton Water, or an Aqueous Quality hitherto unknown, 57 Croton Water--Doesticks at Burton's--At Home. IX. Modern Witchcraft, 64 Doesticks Reflections--Visits a Fortune Teller. X. City Target Excursion, 73 Becomes a Military Man--Describes his Company--Attends the drill--Wins the prize. XI. A New Patent Medicine Operation, 84 Patent Balsam--Receives Testimonials--Shows how it works--Sells for cash. XII. Running with the "Masheen," 92 Goes to a Fire--Displays his Courage--Gets into a row--Makes his will. XIII. Street Preaching--A Zealous Trio and a Religious Controversy, 102 In Rhode Island--Hears Gabriel--Shows what can be done. XIV. Disappointed Love, 110 Sees Calanthe Maria--Becomes Devoted--In Extacies--Learns his Folly--Love dissipated. XV. Modern Patent Piety--Church-going in the City, 120 Goes to Church--Hears the organ--Looks about him--Conclusions. XVI.