So I possessed myself. But for these years sleep but two hours or so. Why do I wake? The spirits let me sleep. Oh, no it is my longing that will rest not, These thoughts of him that rest not, and this love That never has been satisfied, this heart So empty all these years; the bitterness Of living face to face with one you loathe, Yet pity, while you hate yourself for feeling Such bitterness toward another soul, As wretched as your own. But then as well I could not sleep for Elenor, for her fate, Never to have a chance in life. I saw Our poverty made surer; year by year Slip by with chances slipping. Oh, that child! When I first felt her lips that sucked my breasts My heart went muffled like a bird that tries To pour its whole song in one note and fails Out of its very ecstasy. A daughter, A little daughter at my breast, a soul Of a woman to be! I knew her spirit then, Felt all my love and longing in her lips, Felt all my passion, purity of desire In those sweet lips that sucked my breasts. Oh, rapture, Oh highest rapture God had given me To see her roll upon my arm and smile, Full fed, the milk that gurgled from her lips! Such blue eyes--oh, my child! My child! my child! I have no hope now of this life--no hope Except to take you to my breast again. God will be good and give you to me, or God will bring sleep to me, a sleep so still I shall not miss you, Elenor. I go on. I see her when she first began to walk. She ran at first, just like a baby quail. She never walked. She danced into this life. She used to dance for minutes on her toes. My starved heart bore her vital in some way. My hope which would not die had made her gay, And unafraid and venturesome and hopeful. She did not know what sadness was, or fear, Or anything but laughter, play and fun. Not till she grew to ten years and could see The place in life that God had given her Between my life and his; and then I saw A thoughtfulness come over her, as a cloud Passes across the sun, and makes one place A shadow while the landscape lies in light: So quietness would come over her, with smiles Around her quietness and sunniest laughter Fast following on her quietness.