He cooked an omelet in a silk hat and when he gave the hat back to Ed. Walker the poached eggs fell out and cuddled up in Ed's hair. Rufus apologized and said he'd do the trick over again if someone else would lend him a hat, but there was nothing doing. When the contralto crawled under the ropes and began to tell us that the bells in the village rang ding-ding-dong I was busy watching a Goo-goo Bird. Did you ever spot one of those Glance-Givers? This chap's name was Llewellyn Joyce, and he considered himself a perfect hellyon. He thought all he had to do was to roll his lamps at a lassie and she was off the slate. Llewellyn loved to sit around at the _musicale_ and burn the belle of the ball, with his goo-goo eyes. Llewellyn needed a swift slap--that's what he needed. Next we had the Nonpariel Quartette, and they were the boys that could eat up the close harmony! They sang "Love, I am Lonely!" from start to finish without stopping to call the waiter. Then we had Clarissa Coldslaw in select recitations. She was all the money. Clarissa grabbed "Hamlet's Soliloquy" between her pearly teeth and shook it to death. She got a half-Nelson on Poe's "Raven" and put it out of the business. Then she gave an imitation of the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. If Juliet talked like that dame did, no wonder she took poison. But when she let down her hair and started in to give us a mad scene--me to the sand dunes! It was a case of flee as a bird with yours respectfully. Those _musicale_ things would be aces if the music didn't set them back. JOHN HENRY ON GOLF. Hereafter golf is the game for Gillis! Me for the niblick and the brassie--fine! Billy Baldwin, Harry Ford and Eddie Bartlett took me out last summer and put me wise to the whole lay-out. In less than an hour I could play the game better than Doolan, and he's the man that made it. Golf has all the other games slapped to a sit-down. I know it because I played it once and Billy told me that as soon as a few Scotch thistles sprouted on my shins I'd be the real rinakaboo! Harry told me I could drive good enough to own a hack, and Eddie thought I was the likeliest side-stepper that ever did a grass-chopping specialty. The only drawback they found was that I didn't hit the ball. It's immense for the chest measurement to have the bunch hand you out the salve spiel--believe me! I took my lady friend out Westchester way last week and on the road I was Reckless Robert with the big talk. It's a habit with me to go up and butt the ceiling every time my lady friend is near enough to listen. Most of us young guys are gushers with the loud language when the Best and Only is in the building. How we do like to gather the gab and hand out hints to the heroine that she's gazing on the greatest ever! When Clara Jane asked me if I knew the game I told her that I used to room with the man that built the first links.