“No! no! that’s all well for people that live in comfort and with those
they love around them. It is a thousand times worse for those who live
alone and have to do so. What cheer is there for me, waking here in the
silence of the night, with the wide moor around me full of voices and
full of faces that make my waking a worse dream than my sleep? Ah,
young sir, you have no past that can send its legions to people the
darkness and the empty space, and I pray the good God that you may
never have!” As he spoke, there was such an almost irresistible gravity
of conviction in his manner that I abandoned my remonstrance about his
solitary life. I felt that I was in the presence of some secret
influence which I could not fathom. To my relief, for I knew not what
to say, he went on:
“Two nights past have I dreamed it. It was hard enough the first night,
but I came through it. Last night the expectation was in itself almost
worse than the dream—until the dream came, and then it swept away every
remembrance of lesser pain. I stayed awake till just before the dawn,
and then it came again, and ever since I have been in such an agony as
I am sure the dying feel, and with it all the dread of tonight.” Before
he had got to the end of the sentence my mind was made up, and I felt
that I could speak to him more cheerfully.
“Try and get to sleep early tonight—in fact, before the evening has
passed away. The sleep will refresh you, and I promise you there will
not be any bad dreams after tonight.” He shook his head hopelessly, so
I sat a little longer and then left him.
When I got home I made my arrangements for the night, for I had made up
my mind to share Jacob Settle’s lonely vigil in his cottage on the
moor. I judged that if he got to sleep before sunset he would wake well
before midnight, and so, just as the bells of the city were striking
eleven, I stood opposite his door armed with a bag, in which were my
supper, an extra large flask, a couple of candles, and a book. The
moonlight was bright, and flooded the whole moor, till it was almost as
light as day; but ever and anon black clouds drove across the sky, and
made a darkness which by comparison seemed almost tangible. I opened
the door softly, and entered without waking Jacob, who lay asleep with
his white face upward. He was still, and again bathed in sweat. I tried
to imagine what visions were passing before those closed eyes which
could bring with them the misery and woe which were stamped on the
face, but fancy failed me, and I waited for the awakening. It came
suddenly, and in a fashion which touched me to the quick, for the
hollow groan that broke from the man’s white lips as he half arose and
sank back was manifestly the realisation or completion of some train of
thought which had gone before.
“If this be dreaming,” said I to myself, “then it must be based on some
very terrible reality. What can have been that unhappy fact that he
spoke of?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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