Dream Tales and Prose PoemsTurgenev, Ivan Sergeevich
General
Dream Tales and Prose Poems
Turgenev, Ivan Sergeevich
Russia -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Turgenev, Ivan Sergeevich, 1818-1883 -- Translations into English
The following day Aratov spent, however, fairly quietly. He was even able
to give his mind to his ordinary occupations. But there was one thing:
both during his work and during his leisure he was continually thinking
of Clara, of what Kupfer had told him the evening before. It is true that
his meditations, too, were of a fairly tranquil character. He fancied
that this strange girl interested him from the psychological point of
view, as something of the nature of a riddle, the solution of which was
worth racking his brains over. ‘Ran away with an actress living as a
kept mistress,’ he pondered, ‘put herself under the protection of that
princess, with whom she seems to have lived--and no _love affairs_’? It’s
incredible!... Kupfer talked of pride! But in the first place we know’
(Aratov ought to have said: we have read in books),...’we know that pride
can exist side by side with levity of conduct; and secondly, how came she,
if she were so proud, to make an appointment with a man who might treat
her with contempt ... and did treat her with it ... and in a public place,
moreover ... in a boulevard!’ At this point Aratov recalled all the scene
in the boulevard, and he asked himself, Had he really shown contempt for
Clara? ‘No,’ he decided,... ‘it was another feeling ... a feeling of doubt
... lack of confidence, in fact!’ ‘Unhappy Clara!’ was again ringing in his
head. ‘Yes, unhappy,’ he decided again.... ‘That’s the most fitting word.
And, if so, I was unjust. She said truly that I did not understand her. A
pity! Such a remarkable creature, perhaps, came so close ... and I did not
take advantage of it, I repulsed her.... Well, no matter! Life’s all before
me. There will be, very likely, other meetings, perhaps more interesting!
‘But on what grounds did she fix on _me_ of all the world?’ He glanced into
a looking-glass by which he was passing. ‘What is there special about me?
I’m not a beauty, am I? My face ... is like any face.... She was not a
beauty either, though.
‘Not a beauty ... and such an expressive face! Immobile ... and yet
expressive! I never met such a face.... And talent, too, she has ... that
is, she had, unmistakable. Untrained, undeveloped, even coarse, perhaps ...
but unmistakable talent. And in that case I was unjust to her.’ Aratov was
carried back in thought to the literary musical matinée ... and he observed
to himself how exceedingly clearly he recollected every word she had sung
of recited, every intonation of her voice.... ‘That would not have been so
had she been without talent. And now it is all in the grave, to which she
has hastened of herself.... But I’ve nothing to do with that ... I’m not to
blame! It would be positively ridiculous to suppose that I’m to blame.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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