A million to hate how many men could I find to hate ??? how many have betrayed me ??? 10, 100, 1000 or a million times more It's just how you look at it; 'cos if you don't have the time or the energy to hate then you will find true peace if only you look inside. To have lived our fantasies I found you you found me we corresponded we fantasized I gave without questioning you promised it all but you delivered nothing had you really promised without thinking ??? or did your feet turn cold ??? And the Expletives Remained The lines flowed, the poem wrote itself and the expletives remained Fuck the Poetry Police! Fuck you all, very much. Spinning Out The last time I was " hearing voices" again was only a couple of days ago. I was sick in bed with a viral infection. I was trying to sleep but voices kept saying " Think what you know is true." But then I would think, " Well what do I know is the truth ?" Then I'd think of something and say, well that's true, and quick as a flash another voice would say " Is that really what you believe ? Is that what is true ? Isn't that bullshit ?" And then I'd have to think of something else to believe in. And this was not a relaxed process. No way! It was manic. It seemed to happen a 1000 times a minute, and it just wouldn't stop. At least, it went on for an hour or so, and it seemed like an eternity. Just another day in the life of "a person with schizophrenia." Walls & Sledge Hammers Where do I start ? At the beginning of course, but where is that exactly ? I am (to state it in politically incorrectly language) a schizophrenic. And I have been living with that label for the past 15-odd years now. I live by myself, have a few close friends... But I count myself as one of the lucky ones because throughout all of times in and out of psych. wards of hospitals, I kept the same job, with a large government organization, and they've been very supportive towards me. Today, at work, in my lucky full time job as a government nobody, I get largely left alone and to my own devices. For better or for worse, but always with an occasional supervisory peer over my shoulder to keep me in line. "Oh yes, <Fred>, your job is safe, we do value your work, just keep going at your own pace. We're not too sure where or how exactly you fit in, but we like having you around, and, hey, somebody has to do the odd jobs, and we think you're just the man." *** Alas, I am not lucky enough to have a job that I'm in love with. My career is not my life.