"Truth is stranger than fiction"; which is undoubtedly true. We can
imagine that only of which we have at least _some_ knowledge, but there
are realms of truth beyond us of which we have _no_ knowledge. Besides,
these revelations are of so extraordinary a nature that I cannot
altogether close my eyes to the fact that I _may have been led on to
them_ by agencies beyond my personal power of volition. I will cite but
one reason why such an idea might be justly entertained by me.
That which originally led me on to these investigations, as already
mentioned, was the simple desire to speak the English language just as
native-born persons speak it. Although I eventually became aware of the
fact that this was next to impossible, yet I persisted in this endeavor
to such an extent that I spent far more time on it than it would have
deserved had I been _convinced_ that I would be finally successful.
Again and again I said to myself, "This is a foolish, absurd, unworthy
undertaking for a person of intelligence"; the next minute I was at
it again, trying to utter this sound or pronounce that word in the
"correct English fashion."
I want to ask, What was it that impelled me to thus persist, almost
against my wish, will, and better insight? When, after many years
of this almost wanton endeavor, I discovered the dual nature of the
voice, I could not help but think that an influence beyond myself had
been exercised to impel me to persist in these efforts, which were
then crowned with a success of a different order, and far beyond any
previous expectation. _I then found what I had been after unknown
to myself._ To simply say I was "infatuated" would not explain this
strange adherence to what for a long while looked like a vain and
hopeless undertaking.
I am aware that for me to say, as I have just now said, "I cannot
altogether close my eyes to the fact that I may have been led on by
agencies beyond my personal power of volition," may expose me to
ridicule in the eyes of some persons; besides being a contradiction to
my other convictions. Yet I say so deliberately and am quite willing to
abide by the consequences. It is a case of the duality of our nature,
which impels me to take a naturalistic or biogenetic view of things in
one direction, yet forces me to take a spiritualistic or abiogenetic
view of them in another direction. I do not comprehend those who under
_all circumstances_ are capable of pursuing either the one direction or
the other.
* * * * *
I might say I have been on a prospecting tour to a _new_ country, where
I found the outcroppings of numerous veins of precious ore. These veins
are _true fissure veins_, penetrating, as they do, into the very bowels
of the earth; and it will take centuries to exhaust them in all their
_dips, spurs, and angles_.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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