The reading of the card persuaded me that he was dead and I was
disturbed to find myself at check. Had he not been dead I would have
gone into the little dark room behind the shop to find him sitting in
his arm-chair by the fire, nearly smothered in his great-coat. Perhaps
my aunt would have given me a packet of High Toast for him and this
present would have roused him from his stupefied doze. It was always I
who emptied the packet into his black snuff-box for his hands trembled
too much to allow him to do this without spilling half the snuff about
the floor. Even as he raised his large trembling hand to his nose
little clouds of smoke dribbled through his fingers over the front of
his coat. It may have been these constant showers of snuff which gave
his ancient priestly garments their green faded look for the red
handkerchief, blackened, as it always was, with the snuff-stains of a
week, with which he tried to brush away the fallen grains, was quite
inefficacious.
I wished to go in and look at him but I had not the courage to knock. I
walked away slowly along the sunny side of the street, reading all the
theatrical advertisements in the shop-windows as I went. I found it
strange that neither I nor the day seemed in a mourning mood and I felt
even annoyed at discovering in myself a sensation of freedom as if I
had been freed from something by his death. I wondered at this for, as
my uncle had said the night before, he had taught me a great deal. He
had studied in the Irish college in Rome and he had taught me to
pronounce Latin properly. He had told me stories about the catacombs
and about Napoleon Bonaparte, and he had explained to me the meaning of
the different ceremonies of the Mass and of the different vestments
worn by the priest. Sometimes he had amused himself by putting
difficult questions to me, asking me what one should do in certain
circumstances or whether such and such sins were mortal or venial or
only imperfections. His questions showed me how complex and mysterious
were certain institutions of the Church which I had always regarded as
the simplest acts. The duties of the priest towards the Eucharist and
towards the secrecy of the confessional seemed so grave to me that I
wondered how anybody had ever found in himself the courage to undertake
them; and I was not surprised when he told me that the fathers of the
Church had written books as thick as the _Post Office Directory_ and as
closely printed as the law notices in the newspaper, elucidating all
these intricate questions. Often when I thought of this I could make no
answer or only a very foolish and halting one upon which he used to
smile and nod his head twice or thrice. Sometimes he used to put me
through the responses of the Mass which he had made me learn by heart;
and, as I pattered, he used to smile pensively and nod his head, now
and then pushing huge pinches of snuff up each nostril alternately.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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