Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Her face had got thinner, thought Judith, her expression had little if
anything of the child left in it, and her lips which had always been
slightly parted in repose were now folded together in an unnatural line.
‘Mother’s come to fetch me.’ She laughed. ‘She is being extremely
dutiful and chilling and grieved at me. I hope you haven’t come across
her. She’s not a bit nice. I’m going to Scotland. Oh, the moors! I’ll
soon get better there. Then I’ll go abroad or something.’ She laughed
again. ‘I suppose Mother’ll try to send me back here next term. I shall
have some glorious wrangling. Perhaps they’ll wash their hands of me for
ever. If only they would! Oh, if I could be on my own!--no ties!’
Her eyes sparkled at the thought of breaking her fetters. Already, in
spite of her sorrow, she was thinking with excitement: _What next?_ She
was ready to contemplate a fresh start. Soon her indomitable vitality
would light upon and kindle fresh objects; and all around her would
live, as once you had lived, in her glow. She would have no time, no
room, to remember what had once absorbed her. Judith turned her head
away, tasting despair; for it seemed that the zest for life they had
both shared burned in Jennifer undiminished now that the time of sharing
was over; while for her it had gone out, like a snuffed candle.
Jennifer fastened her great eyes upon her, whispering: ‘You don’t know
how I shall miss you.’
Ah, she saw she had wounded,--was trying, too late, to make amends.
Judith answered, making her voice harsh and scornful:
‘Oh no, you won’t. You’ll find heaps of new thrilling people and you’ll
soon forget me.’
‘Oh----’ was all Jennifer said, beneath her breath. She shut her eyes,
and Judith saw her mouth alter and quiver. ‘You don’t understand,’ she
whispered after a long time. ‘No, you don’t understand. God, I’m in such
a muddle.’
It was no use trying to find comfort from hurting Jennifer. There was
nothing but pain to be had from the spectacle of that beloved face
shrinking and helpless. Whatever it cost all must be made easy for her.
‘I’m sorry, Jennifer, I’m sorry, my darling. There! don’t worry. I
understand. Don’t cry. Listen: it’s like this, isn’t it? You’re not
happy here any more. You’re restless. And you’ve been--been living too
hard and you’re worn out. So you want to get away from all the people
you’ve been with--all the ones you associate with feeling ill and
awful--you want to start afresh, somewhere quite new. Isn’t that it?’
‘Partly,’ whispered Jennifer.
‘Things have all gone wrong lately. And I’m involved, aren’t I? It’s
really about me that things have gone wrong. I don’t know why--but I
know it is so. So you really can’t bear to see me any more.’
‘Oh, Judith!’ She hid her face. ‘It sounds so terrible when you say it
like that: “Can’t bear to see me any more”.... Oh!’
‘But I’m right, aren’t I, Jennifer?’
‘Oh, it sounds as if it were your fault, as if you thought it was
something you’d done----’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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