Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Jennifer’s boxes stood packed and strapped in a corner. Her personality
had already, terrifyingly, been drained from her two rooms. There was
now only a melancholy whisper of that which, during the two years of her
tenancy, had filled the little space between her walls with a warm
mystery. She had become identified with the quickening of imagination,
the lyrical impulse. Oh, how ridiculous, how sad, to have made one
person into all poetry! To-morrow it would all be finished.
Judith went softly from the sitting-room into the bedroom: and there was
Jennifer lying back on her pillow and waiting.
‘Hullo, darling,’ she said. Her voice was low and mournful.
‘Jennifer!’
She put out her hand and Judith took it, clung to it, while Jennifer
drew her down beside her on the bed.
‘Jennifer, darling, how are you?’
‘I’m better, I’ve slept. I was so tired. But I’m going away.’
‘I know.’
‘Don’t tell anyone, Judith, but I’m not coming back.’
‘Oh, Jennifer, what shall I do without you?’
‘Darling, I _can’t_ come back,’ she said in an urgent, painful whisper.
‘I know. I know. And I must come back, I suppose. I’m like that: I can’t
uproot. You’re wise, you never grow roots. So you can go away when you
want to without making a wound in yourself. It’s no good my pretending I
could do the same. I must wait; though goodness knows for what: the
examinations I suppose. This place without you.... Oh!’
She pressed her forehead against the hand that still held hers,
abandoning, with her last words, the effort to speak lightly.
‘Darling,’ said Jennifer. ‘It is making a wound--you ought to know.
You’re making a wound.’
‘Then why do you go away from me?’
‘Oh, Judith, I’ve got to go!’ She sighed wearily. ‘What I really wanted
to say to you was: please forgive me for everything.’
‘Forgive.... Oh, Jennifer....’
‘Don’t say there’s nothing to forgive. Say I forgive you.’
‘I forgive you then.’
‘Because I have hurt you, haven’t I?’
‘It wasn’t your fault. Nothing’s been your fault.’
‘I’ve been unhappy too. I thought I was going off my head a little while
ago.’ She sighed again. ‘It’s all such a muddle. I do get into such
muddles. I’m so used to flying to you to be got out of them, I can’t
think how I shall manage without you.’
Judith was silent, her throat aching with tears. Never to hear
Jennifer’s step hurrying along the corridor, never again to see her
burst flushed and desperate into the room crying: ‘Oh, darling, I’m in
such a muddle....’ That had been such a thing to look forward to: it had
been such pleasure to comfort, advise, explain, even though the muddles
had generally been found to be laughable trifles.
‘I wanted to say some more things, but it’s so difficult,’ Jennifer went
on. ‘Now you’re here I can’t say anything.’
‘Don’t try, darling. I’m quite happy.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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