Oh, I shiver when I think of having produced Peter perhaps only to be as unhappy as me or to die young like Charlie and Martin. But if you look after him hes more likely to be alright. Please if you marry get someone who will be nice to him. Oh this is awfull. What am I doing. Please take him soon. Dont write me an answer but just say if you will take him and when and I will send him with the governess, but you will sack her wont you and educate him yourself. I never did like her. Well I have written it all, I feel very exhausted but Im glad its written. I shant ever need to pretend again, the strain was awfull. I dont quite know what I shall do. I think I shall sell the house. I couldn’t bear to live in it ever again after all thats happened. It was an unlucky house so I dont want to keep it on for Peter. I dare say I shall go on with this vet business, or anyway looking after dogs somehow. Im not stupid with animals if I am with peeple. Oh, darling Martin, it is terrible without him. Why wasnt I with him in the sailing boat, it would have saved so much trouble. Do you really think we never meet the poeple we love again. I know youll say never, so dont answer. _Sometimes_ I feel it must be alright, I feel allmost a certainty this isnt the end. I shant read this over. Ive written in such a hurry I expect its full of spelling mistakes etc., and youll laugh when you read it. I cant help it. You mustnt dispise me for telling you I love you. Good-bye from MARIELLA. Beneath her signature came Julian’s pencil again: ‘I have sent for Peter.’ 7 In the early afternoon, the taxi drew up beneath the archway of College, and she saw once more the red-tiled floor, the cold polished walls, the official bleakness and decorous ugliness of the entrance hall. The portress had been her special friend. She opened the door of the lodge, expecting a joyful smile: but the elderly woman sitting at the table was unfamiliar. ‘Is the portress out?’ ‘I’m the portress, Miss.’ ‘I don’t think I remember you.’ ‘No, Miss. I only came this term.’ ‘Ah, yes. How do you like it?’ ‘Well it’s all a bit difficult to get into, Miss. Hard like.’ ‘Yes. I found that. I used to be here.’ ‘Oh yes, Miss.’ Her eyes looked bored behind her glasses. She was thinking there were any amount of girls always coming and going. You couldn’t be expected to take an interest.... Judith looked around her and was seized with panic. The whole place was unfamiliar. Nothing recognized or greeted her.