Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Darkness fell, and the ploughed fields went wheeling and slipping by,
the smoke-white evening vapours laid low and heavy over their dim chill
violet expanses.
She was going home again to be alone. She smiled, thinking suddenly
that she might be considered an object for pity, so complete was her
loneliness.
One by one they had all gone from her: Jennifer the last to go. Perhaps
Jennifer had never for an instant meant to come back; or perhaps her
courage had failed her at the last moment. Wise Jennifer shed her past
as she went along; she refused to let it draw her back to face its old
coils and perplexities and be tangled in them once again. She did not
want to return to Judith and love her and be troubled by her once more;
or else return to find that all was different, that in this ten months’
interval life had separated them beyond hope of reunion. Yes, Jennifer
had escaped again. She had never intended to come back.
Yet it was impossible to feel self-pity. Perhaps it was the train’s
monotonous reiterated motion and murmur that benumbed the mind, soothing
it to a state that seemed like happiness.
When she reached home she would find that the cherry-tree in the garden
had been cut down. This morning she had seen the gardener start to lay
the axe to its dying trunk. Even the cherry-tree would be gone. Next
door the board would be up: For Sale. None of the children next door had
been for her. Yet she, from outside, had broken in among them and taken
them one by one for herself. She had been stronger than their combined
force, after all.
She was rid at last of the weakness, the futile obsession of dependence
on other people. She had nobody now except herself; and that was best.
This was to be happy--this emptiness, this light uncoloured state, this
no-thought and no-feeling.
She was a person whose whole past made one great circle, completed now
and ready to be discarded.
Soon she must begin to think: What next?
But not quite yet.
THE END
Typographical errors corrected by the etext transcriber:
visit once every holidays=> visit once every holiday {pg 18}
He sat on table=> He sat on the table {pg 79}
shoulders wtih=> shoulders with {pg 112}
sense if impotence=> sense of impotence {pg 183}
and I a guant=> and I a gaunt {pg 326}
scribbed all but illegibly=> scribbled all but illegibly {pg 335}
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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