Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘Sit down. You needn’t go yet,’--and continued his quiet music.
To free his arms she gently took the child from him and set him on her
own lap, where he sat motionless and as if unconscious of the change.
Gradually as she watched the crooked fingers sliding along the keys
from chord to chord, and saw around her the familiar room, the past
stole over her. He was the boy Julian and she the half-dreaming
privileged listener; and as if there had been no gap in their knowledge
of each other they sat side by side in unselfconscious intimacy. What
had there been to fear? She saw now that she would always be able to
pick him up just where she had left him, and find him unchanged to her;
she could say anything to him without danger of mockery or rebuff. But
he had always been the easiest: the sense of blood-relationship was
tempered in him by his critical intelligence; and he was always prepared
at least to sharpen his wits against the stranger, if not to befriend
him.
He paused and she said:
‘Nothing has changed here. I remember every single thing in the room and
it’s all the same,--even to the inkstains on those boards. It’s like a
dream to be back here talking to you--one of those dreams of remembered
places where everything is so familiar it seems ominous. I’ve often had
a dream like this----’
She stopped, wishing her last words unsaid; but he took her remark to be
general and nodded, and leaned forward to look at Peter, lying wan and
sleepy in her lap. He was very tired; but not fretful: only silent and
languid. Julian touched his cheek.
‘And is Peter part of the dream too?’ he asked softly.
‘Yes. Isn’t he?’
He was the passive, waiting core of the ominousness, the unexpected
thing you shrank from yet knew you had to come back to find. In the
dream, it was quite natural to sit there with Julian, holding Charlie’s
child.
‘Isn’t it strange,’ he said musingly, ‘that this is the only proof--the
_only_ proof that Charlie ever lived? A child! Not another whisper from
him.... I haven’t even a letter. I suppose _she_ has.’ An utter misery
showed for a moment in his face, and he paused before adding: ‘And no
portrait. Do you remember him?’
‘Of course.’ Her throat ached with tears. ‘He was the most beautiful
person----’
‘Yes he was. A _spring_ of beauty. He didn’t care about that, you know,
in spite of what people said. His physical brilliance somehow obscured
his character, I think, made it difficult to judge. But he had a very
simple heart.’
Was it true? Who had ever known Charlie’s heart? Was not Julian speaking
as it were in epitaphs, as if his brother had become unreal to him,--a
symbol for grief,--the individual ghost forgotten? Perhaps Mariella
alone of all people had known his heart--strange thought!--and still had
him quick within her; but she would never tell.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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