Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘Don’t go in,’ implored Martin. ‘Can’t we walk?’
‘Oh, I must--I must go in.’
‘Oh, Judith!’
‘I must, Martin. Thank you for bringing me home, I must fly now. It’s so
late----’ she said in panic.
‘When shall I see you again?’
‘Soon--soon.’
He was speechless. She called a soft good-night and left him and the
darkness swallowed him up.
As she went towards the solitary light burning for her in the hall she
thought with a sudden fear that he had implored her for assurance just
as she mutely implored Roddy every time he left her; and she had
answered--oh, not, surely not, as Roddy would have answered?
‘Oh, Roddy, come out of your dark maze and make me certain!’
She must warm herself with the remembrance of the first part of the
evening, ignore the little chill of those few last minutes. What were
his eyes telling her when he bade her good-night? Surely they were
whispering: ‘Take no notice. We know what has passed between us, we know
what must come. Though we must keep our secret before others, we do not
deceive each other.’
Yes, that was it.
She started running; and wondered why; and ran as hard as she could.
As she opened the front door, she stopped, aghast. The telephone bell
was screaming, screaming, screaming.
Telegram for Judith Earle. From Paris.
‘Father died this evening. Come to-morrow. Mother.’
As she hung up the receiver silence in a vast tide flowed in and drowned
the house, his house, as if for ever.
He had been deep in the business of dying while she, his daughter----
No. She must not think that way; she must just think of him dead. What
an extraordinary thing.... Last time she had seen him had he looked as
if he were going to die? There came a doubtful indistinct picture of
him--yes--going upstairs to bed, early, not later than ten o’clock. She
had looked up the staircase and seen him near the top, mounting with a
hand on the bannister: going to bed so early, looking--yes--a little
feeble; the bowed back and slow yielding step, the slightly laborious
stair-mounting of a man getting old--yes--a delicate elderly man, a
little frightening, a little pathetic to see unexpectedly: for could
youth then really depart? He had been young and he had come upon old
age. Some day she too--she too ... yes, for a moment she had thought
that. And now he was dead.
She crept to the library and switched on all the lights and stared at
the portrait of a young man. That beautiful youth had lived, grown old
and died. He had begotten a daughter who was looking at him and thinking
these things. But the cold portraits of people held them bound for ever
in unreality; they could not die: they had not lived.
She sank into a chair, burying her face in her hands, seeking for a
memory that would make her know that he had lived and died.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account