The one most altered of all was Charles. Altered in looks, bearing,
manner; above all, in spirit. All his pride had flown; all his
self-importance had disappeared as a summer mist before the sun:
disappeared for ever. Had the discipline he was subjected to been
transient, lasting for a few weeks, let us say, or even months, its
impressions might have worn away with renewed prosperity, had such set
in again, leaving no lasting trace for good. But when this sort of
depressing mortification continues for years, the lesson it implants
in the mind is generally permanent. Day by day, every day of his life,
and every hour in the day, Charles was subjected to the humiliations
(as he looked upon them, and to him they were indeed such) that attend
the position of a working clerk. He who had been reared in the habits
and ideas of a gentleman, had believed himself the undoubted heir to
Eagles' Nest, found himself reduced by fate to this subordinate
capacity, ordered about by the articled clerks, and regarded as an
individual not at all to be ranked with them. He was at their beck and
call, and obliged to be so; he had to submit to them as his superiors,
not only his superiors in the office, but his superiors socially;
above all, he had to submit to their off-hand tones, which always
implied, unwittingly, perhaps, to themselves, but all too apparent to
Charles, a consciousness of the distinction that existed between them.
How galling it all was to Charles Raynor, the reader may imagine; but
it can never be described. At first it was all but unbearable. Over
and over again he thought he must run away from it, and escape to a
land where these distinctions do not exist. He might dig for gold in
California; he might clear a settlement for himself in the back-woods
of America: and the life in either place would be as paradise compared
with this one at Prestleigh and Preen's. Nothing but the broad fact
that the wages he earned were absolutely necessary to his mother's and
the family's support, detained him. To give that aid was his
imperative duty before God: for had it not been through him and his
carelessness that they were reduced to this terrible extremity? So
Charles Raynor, helped on by the ever-ready counsel of Edina,
_endured_ his troubles, put up with his humiliation, and bore onwards
with the best resolution he could call up. Who knew, who could ever
know, _how much_ of this wonderful change was really due to Edina?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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