‘A HEAD so placed, like those _heads_ which once ornamented _Temple Bar_, or those of the _great Attorney_, or _great Contractor_, which, not long since, were conspicuously elevated for their _great actions_, and were exhibited, in wooden frames, at the _East_ and _West_ Ends of this Metropolis, never fails of attracting the eyes of passengers--though, indeed, we do not expect to experience the lenity shown to these _great exhibitors_, for probably the TIMES will be pelted without mercy. ‘But then, a _head_ with a _good face_ is a harbinger, a gentleman-usher, that often strongly recommends even DULNESS, FOLLY, IMMORALITY, or VICE. The immortal Locke gives evidence to the truth of this observation. That great philosopher has declared that, though repeatedly taken in, he never could withstand the solicitations of a well-drawn title-page--authority sufficient to justify _us_ in assuming a _new head_ and a _new set of features_, but not with a design to impose; for we flatter ourselves the HEAD of the TIMES will not be found deficient in _intellect_, but, by putting a _new face_ on affairs, will be admired for the _light of its countenance_, whenever it appears. ‘To advert to our first position. ‘The UNIVERSAL REGISTER has been a name as injurious to the _Logographic Newspaper_, as TRISTRAM was to MR. SHANDY’S SON. But OLD SHANDY forgot he might have rectified by _confirmation_ the mistakes of the _parson_ at _baptism_--with the touch of a _Bishop_ have changed TRISTRAM to Trismegistus. ‘The UNIVERSAL REGISTER, from the day of its first appearance to the day of its _confirmation_, has, like TRISTRAM, suffered from unusual casualties, both laughable and serious, arising from its name, which, on its introduction, was immediately curtailed of its fair proportion by all who called for it--the word _Universal_ being _Universally_ omitted, and the word _Register_ being only retained. ‘“Boy, bring me the _Register_.” ‘The waiter answers: “Sir, we have not a library, but you may see it at the _New Exchange Coffee House_.” ‘“Then I’ll see it there,” answers the disappointed politician; and he goes to the _New Exchange_, and calls for the _Register_; upon which the waiter tells him he cannot have it, as he is not a subscriber, and presents him with the _Court and City Register_, the _Old Annual Register_, or, if the Coffee-house be within the Purlieus of Covent Garden, or the hundreds of Drury, slips into the politician’s hand _Harris’s Register_ of Ladies. ‘For these and other reasons the parents of the UNIVERSAL REGISTER have added to its original name that of the TIMES, Which, being a _monosyllable_, bids defiance to _corrupters_ and _mutilaters_ of the language. ‘THE TIMES! What a monstrous name! Granted, for THE TIMES _is_ a many-headed monster, that speaks with an hundred tongues, and displays a thousand characters, and, in the course of _its_ transformations in life, assumes innumerable shapes and humours.