Civility is the _ensemble_ of the forms usage has established to regulate the habitual and daily relations of men with each other. It corresponds in society to the ceremonial of diplomatic life. To avoid the clashes which the rivalries of courts and powers would necessarily carry with them, a code of agreements was established which fix with precision the relations of the diplomatic agents. The same in social life. Civility is composed not of absolute and wholly material rules, but of forms fixed in a general way, yet more or less free in their application, and all the more pleasing as they are the more free. These forms, often laughed at when regarded superficially, have a serious value when we consider that they express the general duty whereby peace is established and maintained among men. (See Nicole, _Essais de morale_,[45] 1671.) There is, then, in civility a principle which is _essential_ and a form which is _arbitrary_. Usage has everywhere established the form of bowing, for instance; everywhere there are conventional expressions wherewith to greet people according to their age, their sex; but these outward manifestations vary according to times and countries. A distinction has been made between _personal_ civility and the civility of the _mind_ and _heart_. Civility properly so called is that of the outward manners; but it is worth very little if it is not sustained by the delicacy which says nothing wounding and the true kindliness which seeks to give pleasure: this is what is called civility of the mind and heart. "The most amiable natural gifts, and the talents made most supple by education, change into defects and vices if they are not inspired by a feeling of kindness. Suppleness, then, is nothing else than perfidy; delicacy nothing else but cunning; this civility lavished upon everybody is nothing else than duplicity.... It is not enough to be a man of the world; one must also be a man of heart.... True civility is that which has its source in justice, in the respect for humanity; it is a form of charity; it is the luxury of virtue."[46] =62. Modesty.=--One of the most essential parts of kindness is _modesty_. Modesty is certainly a duty we owe to ourselves; but it is also a duty we owe to others. Nothing more fatiguing than people who bring everything back to themselves, and can speak of nothing but themselves. It is not by appearing satisfied with your own accomplishments, but in having others satisfied with them, that you will please; and they will never find you more charming than when, completely forgetting yourself, you will be only occupied with them. To succeed in making them satisfied with themselves, is the true means of having them satisfied with you.