speak of "whatsoever things are pure, of whatsoever things are
lovely, of whatsoever things are honest, of whatsoever things
are of good report." Where there was virtue, and where there
was praise, there was he ready to descant with eloquence, to
discuss with ability; there he was at home, at least in
conversation, for, in the varied range of human affections,
his intellect conceived what his heart did not feel.
At the time that I am writing of, when he and Edward Middleton
were the two persons who most occupied my thoughts, and
interested my girlish imagination, it would have been
difficult for me to describe what I thought of each. For
Edward I felt an involuntary respect, which made me shrink
from expressing, before him, any opinion, or any sentiment
which he was likely to condemn; he seemed inclined to judge me
with peculiar severity, and I sometimes felt provoked at the
calm sternness of his manner on these occasions, especially on
comparing it with the smiling indifference with which he would
listen to Henry Lovell's satirical remarks, which I secretly
felt to be more deserving of blame than my own thoughtless
observations, little as I could withstand myself the
extraordinary fascination which his peculiar tone of mind and
conversation exercised on those about him.
In the summer of the year 18--, my cousin Julia had a long and
severe illness. For some days she lay at the point of death;
and, for the first time in my life, I saw the expression of
anguish in the face I loved best in the world. Mrs.
Middleton's grief seemed out of proportion with the degree of
affection she had hitherto apparently felt for her child; and
there was a wildness in her sorrow which surprised as much as
it affected me. Long afterwards, it struck me that something
of remorse, at the preference she had so openly shown for me,
and at the coldness with which she had regarded her daughter,
might have added to the misery she then experienced. But, at
the time, this idea never occurred to me; I thought I had
underrated the strength of my aunt's feelings, and only
wondered at the intensity of an affection which had never
betrayed itself to that extent before.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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