The first extract refers to her "discovery" that she was almost entirely
without fear. The heroine is Hildeguard Forrest, a woman of
thirty-seven, a High School teacher. During a boating accident, which
might have resulted fatally, the fact reveals itself to Hildeguard that
she does not know what fear is. The story of the accident closes with
these words:
"Self-revelation is not usually a pleasant process. Not often do we
find ourselves better than we expected. Usually the sudden flash
that shows us ourselves makes us blush with shame at the sight we
see. But very rarely, and for the most part for the people who are
not self-conscious, the flash may, in a moment, reveal unknown
powers or unsuspected strength.
"And Hildeguard, sitting back in the boat, suddenly realized she
wasn't a coward. She looked back in surprise over her life, and
remembered that the terror which as a child would seize her in a
sudden emergency was the fear of being parted from her mother, not
any personal fear for herself, or her own safety.
"Such a pleasurable glow swept over her as she sat there in the
rocking boat. 'Why, no,' she thought; 'I wasn't frightened.'"
A similar accident befell Elsie Inglis when a young woman. Whether the
absence of fear disclosed itself to her then or not cannot be said, but
she is known to have said to a friend after her return from Serbia: "It
was a great day in my life when I discovered that I did not know what
fear was."
Benjamin Kidd in _The Science of Power_ gives (unintentionally) an
indication where to look for the secret of the childless woman's feeling
of loneliness--_she has no link with the future_. He affirms that woman
because of her very nature has her roots in the future. "To women," he
says, "the race is always more than the individual; the future greater
than the present."
As we follow Hildeguard through the pages of the novel, she is shown to
us as faced with the problem of becoming "a lonely woman," the problem
that meets the unmarried and the childless woman. And the claims and the
meaning of religion are confronting her too. The story traces the
workings of Hildeguard's mind and the events of her life for a year.
Christmas Day in the novel finds Hildeguard a lonely and dissatisfied
woman with no "sure anchor." She has had a happy childhood, with many
relations and friends around her. One by one these are taken from
her--some are dead, others are married--and she sees herself, at the age
of thirty-seven, a forlorn figure with no great interest in the future,
and her thoughts dwelling mostly on the joyous past. Two or three of
Hildeguard's friends are conversing together in her rooms. None of them
has had a happy day. Each in her own way is feeling the depression of
the lonely woman. Frances, a little Quaker lady, enters the room, as
someone remarks on the sadness of Christmas-time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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