Now that he had acted without my aid I was free to show him this, and
having on his own side something to show me he repeatedly knocked at my
door. What he brought with him on these occasions was a simplicity so
huge that, as I turn my ear to the past, I seem even now to hear it
bumping up and down my stairs. That was really what I saw of him in the
light of his behaviour. He had fallen in love as he might have broken
his leg, and the fracture was of a sort that would make him permanently
lame. It was the whole man who limped and lurched, with nothing of him
left in the same position as before. The tremendous cleverness, the
literary society, the political ambition, the Bournemouth sisters all
seemed to flop with his every movement a little nearer to the floor. I
hadn’t had an Oxford training and I had never encountered the great
man at whose feet poor Dawling had most submissively sat and who had
addressed him his most destructive sniffs; but I remember asking myself
if such privileges had been an indispensable preparation to the career
on which my friend appeared now to have embarked. I remember too making
up my mind about the cleverness, which had its uses and I suppose in
impenetrable shades even its critics, but from which the friction of
mere personal intercourse was not the sort of process to extract a
revealing spark. He accepted without a question both his fever and
his chill, and the only thing he showed any subtlety about was this
convenience of my friendship. He doubtless told me his simple story, but
the matter comes back to me in a kind of sense of _my_ being rather the
mouthpiece, of my having had to thresh it out for him. He took it from
me without a groan, and I gave it to him, as we used to say, pretty hot;
he took it again and again, spending his odd half-hours with me as if
for the very purpose of learning how idiotically he was in love. He told
me I made him see things: to begin with, hadn’t I first made him see
Flora Saunt? I wanted him to give her up and luminously informed him
why; on which he never protested nor contradicted, never was even
so alembicated as to declare just for the sake of the drama that he
wouldn’t. He simply and undramatically didn’t, and when at the end of
three months I asked him what was the use of talking with such a fellow
his nearest approach to a justification was to say that what made him
want to help her was just the deficiencies I dwelt on. I could only
reply without pointing the moral: “Oh, if you’re as sorry for her as
that!” I too was nearly as sorry for her as that, but it only led me to
be sorrier still for other victims of this compassion. With Dawling as
with me the compassion was at first in excess of any visible motive;
so that when eventually the motive was supplied each could to a certain
extent compliment the other on the fineness of his foresight.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account