England, My EnglandLawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
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England, My England
Lawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Short stories, English
After the kiss, her eyes again slowly filled with tears. She sat still,
away from him, with her face drooped aside, and her hands folded in her
lap. The tears fell very slowly. There was complete silence. He too sat
there motionless and silent on the hearthrug. The strange pain of his
heart that was broken seemed to consume him. That he should love her?
That this was love! That he should be ripped open in this way!—Him, a
doctor!—How they would all jeer if they knew!—It was agony to him to
think they might know.
In the curious naked pain of the thought he looked again to her. She
was sitting there drooped into a muse. He saw a tear fall, and his
heart flared hot. He saw for the first time that one of her shoulders
was quite uncovered, one arm bare, he could see one of her small
breasts; dimly, because it had become almost dark in the room.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, in an altered voice.
She looked up at him, and behind her tears the consciousness of her
situation for the first time brought a dark look of shame to her eyes.
“I’m not crying, really,” she said, watching him half frightened.
He reached his hand, and softly closed it on her bare arm.
“I love you! I love you!” he said in a soft, low vibrating voice,
unlike himself.
She shrank, and dropped her head. The soft, penetrating grip of his
hand on her arm distressed her. She looked up at him.
“I want to go,” she said. “I want to go and get you some dry things.”
“Why?” he said. “I’m all right.”
“But I want to go,” she said. “And I want you to change your things.”
He released her arm, and she wrapped herself in the blanket, looking at
him rather frightened. And still she did not rise.
“Kiss me,” she said wistfully.
He kissed her, but briefly, half in anger.
Then, after a second, she rose nervously, all mixed up in the blanket.
He watched her in her confusion, as she tried to extricate herself and
wrap herself up so that she could walk. He watched her relentlessly, as
she knew. And as she went, the blanket trailing, and as he saw a
glimpse of her feet and her white leg, he tried to remember her as she
was when he had wrapped her in the blanket. But then he didn’t want to
remember, because she had been nothing to him then, and his nature
revolted from remembering her as she was when she was nothing to him.
A tumbling, muffled noise from within the dark house startled him. Then
he heard her voice:—“There are clothes.” He rose and went to the foot
of the stairs, and gathered up the garments she had thrown down. Then
he came back to the fire, to rub himself down and dress. He grinned at
his own appearance when he had finished.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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