England, My EnglandLawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
General
England, My England
Lawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Short stories, English
He was a bachelor, three or four years older than Isabel. He lived in
beautiful rooms overlooking the river, guarded by a faithful Scottish
man-servant. And he had his friends among the fair sex—not lovers,
friends. So long as he could avoid any danger of courtship or marriage,
he adored a few good women with constant and unfailing homage, and he
was chivalrously fond of quite a number. But if they seemed to encroach
on him, he withdrew and detested them.
Isabel knew him very well, knew his beautiful constancy, and kindness,
also his incurable weakness, which made him unable ever to enter into
close contact of any sort. He was ashamed of himself, because he could
not marry, could not approach women physically. He wanted to do so. But
he could not. At the centre of him he was afraid, helplessly and even
brutally afraid. He had given up hope, had ceased to expect any more
that he could escape his own weakness. Hence he was a brilliant and
successful barrister, also _littérateur_ of high repute, a rich man,
and a great social success. At the centre he felt himself neuter,
nothing.
Isabel knew him well. She despised him even while she admired him. She
looked at his sad face, his little short legs, and felt contempt of
him. She looked at his dark grey eyes, with their uncanny, almost
childlike intuition, and she loved him. He understood amazingly—but she
had no fear of his understanding. As a man she patronized him.
And she turned to the impassive, silent figure of her husband. He sat
leaning back, with folded arms, and face a little uptilted. His knees
were straight and massive. She sighed, picked up the poker, and again
began to prod the fire, to rouse the clouds of soft, brilliant sparks.
“Isabel tells me,” Bertie began suddenly, “that you have not suffered
unbearably from the loss of sight.”
Maurice straightened himself to attend, but kept his arms folded.
“No,” he said, “not unbearably. Now and again one struggles against it,
you know. But there are compensations.”
“They say it is much worse to be stone deaf,” said Isabel.
“I believe it is,” said Bertie. “Are there compensations?” he added, to
Maurice.
“Yes. You cease to bother about a great many things.” Again Maurice
stretched his figure, stretched the strong muscles of his back, and
leaned backwards, with uplifted face.
“And that is a relief,” said Bertie. “But what is there in place of the
bothering? What replaces the activity?”
There was a pause. At length the blind man replied, as out of a
negligent, unattentive thinking:
“Oh, I don’t know. There’s a good deal when you’re not active.”
“Is there?” said Bertie. “What, exactly? It always seems to me that
when there is no thought and no action, there is nothing.”
Again Maurice was slow in replying.
“There is something,” he replied. “I couldn’t tell you what it is.”
And the talk lapsed once more, Isabel and Bertie chatting gossip and
reminiscence, the blind man silent.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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