A wretched artist, who thought himself an excellent painter, was talking pompously about decorating the ceiling of his saloon--“I am whitewashing it, and in a short time I shall begin painting.” “I think you had better,” replied one of his audience, “paint it first, and then whitewash it.” SIGHT. A man of wit being asked what pleasure he could have in the company of a pretty woman who was a loquacious simpleton, replied, “I love to see her talk.” DUSTING. A gentleman having called his servant to assist him in dressing, the man, who had been employed in some dirty work, came up all over dust. The master, in a rage, took up a cane and was preparing to lay it over the fellow’s back, when he cried out, “Sir, sir, if you wish to dust my coat, I beg I may take it off first.” DENNIS THE DRAMATIST. The extravagant and enthusiastic opinion Dennis had of the merit and importance of his tragedy, called _Liberty Asserted_, cannot be more properly evinced than by the following anecdote. He imagined there were some strokes in it so severe upon the French nation, that they would never be forgiven, and, consequently, that Louis XVI. would not consent to a peace with England unless he was delivered up as a sacrifice to national resentment. Nay, so far did he carry this apprehension, that when the congress for peace at Utrecht was in agitation, he waited upon the Duke of Marlborough, who had formerly been his patron, to entreat his interest with the plenipotentiaries that they should not consent to his being given up. The Duke, however, told him with great gravity, that he was sorry it was not in his power to serve him, as he really had no interest with any of the ministers at that time; but added, that he fancied his case not to be quite so desperate as he seemed to imagine, for that he himself had taken no care to get himself excepted in the articles of peace, and yet he could not help thinking that he had done the French almost as much damage as Mr. Dennis himself. BON MOT OF QUEEN HENRIETTA. When Charles I. of England shewed his queen Henrietta the picture of Calvin in his cabinet, which pourtrayed the theologist with a pen in his hand, and his eyes turned up and out of sight of his book, the queen said smiling, “I do not wonder now that Calvin wrote so much nonsense, as he seems not to have attended to what he was doing.” FOR THE LADIES. In some parish churches it was the custom to separate the men from the women. A clergyman, being interrupted by loud talking, stopped short, when a woman eager for the honour of her sex arose and said, “Your reverence, the noise is not among us.” “So much the better,” answered the priest, “it will be the sooner over.” THE WORLD AN OLD LADY. Some philosophers were disputing very learnedly and dully on the antiquity of the world. A man of wit, tired of their long discussion, said, “Gentlemen, I believe the world acts like some old ladies, and does not choose to have her age discovered.”